The Devil Doesn't Bargain | Daerin

13 | Shattered Walls

𝐇𝐚𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧 𝐏𝐎𝐕

"Haerin, for the last time, I'm begging you to find whatever empathy you have left and change your mind. You cannot donate your heart to Danielle, and I will never, ever forgive you if you go through with this." 

My dad's voice is raw with desperation as he paces back and forth in my office, as if he just lost a child. Ever since I told him about donating my heart, he hasn't stopped begging me to change my mind.

But I'm too numb to care.

"One of us has to live, and it has to be Danielle," I state coldly. "She has so much to live for, so much ahead of her. I have nothing. No will, no motivation. If I can give her my heart, at least she'll have a chance. I don't mind dying knowing my heart is in her body, beating for her as long as she lives. By that, she won't suffer any longer."

"Haerin!" My dad snaps, his voice cracking as he finally stops pacing and faces me at my desk. "I've lost my wife, I've lost my son. What do you think I did to deserve losing my only daughter too?" His dark eyes well up with tears, definitely on the verge of breaking anytime soon.

And again, I'm just too numb to care.

My dad rarely cries. He either prefers to cover up his feelings or cry alone, I'm not sure. He didn't even shed a tear on the night of his wife and son's funeral, which is impressive. He always has trouble expressing his feelings, and a part of me knows I've inherited that trait from him. I hate that and I never admit it.

"This is the only way I can think of for now," I sigh, looking at all the papers spread before me on the table.

The documents detail every step I need to take to become a donor—each prick of the needle, every test, and every painful procedure I endured these past two days. There were blood tests, tissue typing, endless consultations with doctors and specialists, and invasive medical exams.

But none of that pain compares to the agony of watching Danielle almost die in front of me. The memory suffocates me, making it hard to breathe.

"I've lost Eunha, I've lost my brother, and I've lost my mother. What do you think I did to deserve losing Danielle too?" I ask with a shaky breath.

"Haerin, please," Dad speaks in a tone of voice I've never heard before. He shakes his head, then looks back at me, giving me a suffering and desperate look he rarely shows. "Fuck, what have I done? Why did I agree to the arranged marriage in the first place?" He whispers lowly, but loud enough for me to hear.

At first, I thought the same. Why did he ever arrange a marriage for me, hoping for me to change? 

But now, I couldn't be more thankful. My dad gave me a chance to love again, a chance to breathe. 

A chance to love an amazing woman named Danielle Marsh, who now shares my first name, Kang Danielle.

"Why didn't you ever tell me about her disease?" I ask, my voice tinged with hurt.

"I didn't know, I swear!" Dad protests quickly, still looking at me with that very hurt look. "Mr. Marsh never warned me, nor did Danielle or her mother. No one did."

A realization hits me. "It means that no one really knew about the disease except herself. She must've told only a limited number of people, or maybe no one at all."

Dad looks down, releasing a heavy sigh before walking closer, pressing his palm on my desk and bending over, scrutinizing all the papers and documents.

Memories of when our family was still whole flood my mind, vivid and painful.