Two Broken Ones (Daryl Dixon X Male OC)

20. Alone and Pathetic

Lowell wandered off to his cell, sighing as he plopped down on the bed leaning his back against the wall and staring up at the bottom of the second floor of the bunk bed. He felt his arm still bleeding and still hurting like a bitch as blood dripped down his arm. He knew he probably should take proper care of it but he didn't want to move so he let it bleed for some more time. It wasn't major enough for him to die from blood loss but it still hurt.

He didn't want to move in general. He just sat there staring at the wall blankly. It meant nothing. He meant nothing. It didn't make sense but when was the last time Daryl really did make sense. He's always hot and cold. Never know what he really means and what doesn't. Fucking asshole. Lowell raised his head before swinging it back and hitting back of his head against the wall. And then another time. And another and another. It hurt but it was a calming kind of hurt. Same hurt he felt when he had a fight with a metal door in the watchtower. His knuckles were still all bruised up and cut from that day but luckily no one questioned it so far. He was supposed to talk to Daryl and figure it out today, make it work, but instead he found out it meant nothing. It made Lowell mad, so mad he wanted to hit everything and everyone he saw until he didn't have strength anymore. But he held back taking breaths in and out between rhythmic hits of his head against the wall. He was trying to calm down. Though it didn't work all that well.

Carol appeared in the doorway of his cell with worried expression on her face making Lowell stop hitting his head against the wall and look over at her and then away at the wall across the room again.

“The hell you need?” He barked his voice as harsh as his expression.

“You're hitting the wall with your head.”

“Wow, thanks for the news cuz I didn't know.” Lowell said in mean sarcasm not looking at her.

“Don't talk back to me. I'm worried for you.” She said walking in and sitting down beside Lowell without invitation.

“I'm fine.” Lowell grumbled, staring at the wall still. He felt touch on his injured arm that was still wrapped with sleeve of his shirt which made him jump up from the bed and turn to Carol. “The fuck you think you doing?”

“You're bleeding. You need to see Hershel.” She said looking at mad Lowell with worried eyes.

“What part of ‘I’m fine’ did you not understand?” Lowell asked staring down at her. He was mad, not at her, at himself, at Daryl, but not at her. Still he needed to pour his anger at someone even if someone innocent. He didn't give a fuck at the moment. He wanted to hit things.

“You're not fine, Lowell. Daryl was your friend and he's gone and you're mad about it. I get it.” Carol said standing up from the bed as she looked at Lowell in the eyes making him frown even more.

“Leave me the fuck alone.” He mumbled looking away for her and waiting for her to leave. He was not in the mood for anyone babysitting him. Carol opened her mouth to say something else but seem to change her mind turning away and walking off.

Lowell moved back to his bed laying down with his face pushed against the pillow. He didn't take off his clothes just pushed his face into the pillow like a toddler trying to block out his thoughts that were flying around his head annoyingly. The kiss was meaningless. Everything was meaningless. He was meaningless. Maybe he was a burden. Daryl was looking after him for months because Lowell couldn't pull himself together after Dean was lost. Maybe he didn't want to look after Lowell and he was forced to, by Rick or Carol or someone else. Lowell didn't even think about it. Maybe he was indeed only a burden to Daryl.

“Fuuuck.” Lowell groaned against the pillow shifting on the bed a little. He should really do Daryl a favor and forget about everything. Just live forward and don't think about it anymore.