SAFE PLACE

Radar

Jasmine Azaria Chung

10:25 pm Sunday

"Still cyah believe bro me feel it bad" still cyah believe diss

"gurl jah know enuh, Bridgeton a fuckry still, just eh fuck scene dem me watch" hear yah

Its been a week of endless torture and turmoil, every night I try to sleep i remember the gruesome sight of my aunt and cry myself to sleep, though I'm trying to stay strong for my son and my babies

my so call baby father is no where to be seen or heard, the man just disappear offa the face a the planet and i can't reach him and i need him to support me right now

'you know you selfish bad, the man loose him cousin to and you cuss him and blame him and him dead cousin fuck up the man meds wid dat and you want him fi support you? him nuh wah support tuh Jasmine' at this point I'm not finna be arguing in my head, I said what I said 

'right now me feel disgusting seh me inna you, all you fi drop dung someweh' ok then

"him still nuh come home yet?" Shanice ask from the other end and I shake my head no and sigh "you need fi apologize to him Jasmine, you fuck up fi dat and me know you hurt but you affi talk to him, Zadon seh him anuh 1 fi talk bout him feelings, him bottle up him feelings and me know fi see you cousin weh you grow wid fi you entire life dead-"

"suh wah bout me Shanice, me grow wid me aunty and she dead now me nah go ever see her again" I shout trying to hold back the tears threatening to fall

"Jasmine don't shout at me. because anuh you alone loose somebody, everybody loose smaddy pon both sie, you mother loose har sister and she nah behave suh, yah fucking ediat bredda a suh you did stay" she shouts back

I just look at her annoyed, because why she a talk to me

"me don't even ave the strength fi argue wid you bredda just lock chat" I hiss looking away seeing my mother at the door

She came to Jamaica to help me and also make preparations for Auntie's funeral

"You know Jasmine weh day me did ave some feelings towards you, and me did a get cross wid you bro and me pray and look inna meself as a fren and me dehyah fi you tru this hard time but you bro, you ave me cross, yah push weh everybody round you cause your stubban and inna you big bitch era and me ago tell you diss me nuh inna nuh dealings wid you cause a tonight yerr, you nave nuh fren" and with that she hung up

I just sigh letting the tears run freely down my face as my mom sighs walking towards me

I feel so little and helpless and hurt

"mommy why everybody a turn pon me and a behave like i'm the bad guy, i'm hurting too you know, aunty" i cry in her arms the images I've been desperately trying to erase "even Sheldon cuss me off " i continue crying, the more I remember the events of the week i cry even more

"boy Jasmine you wrong" i sniffle looking up at her and she sighs "Jasmine me loose me sister and me a cope wid it, me nah blame nobody fi Nia death, Shane did love har as she did him and she knew seh she did deh wid a badman weh run portmore she knew that, and she said she didn't care, a from she inna highschool she and Shane deh Jasmine, that an loved her and i know he tried everything to protect her" she cries as she said these words

"but wah bout auntie mommy, she never deserve this, wah we ago tell Sanjay and Shari, wahmu to the baby she did fi have -"

"wah bout it Jasmine, not only the two pickney dem nave nuh mother dem nah nuh fada too, you feel none a dem did wah dead, anuh Shane pickney dem tuh" she shouts at me, for the first time i see my mom truly angry at me "you nuh think Zaheer and Sheldon dem a hurt to, him mother the lady cry harself to sleep eveyrnight, Zaheer leff from the day it happen and nuh come back inna fi him house, all hi do a call A-don and mek sure him good, Sheldon loose him bredda and want vengeance Zadon loose him bestfriend and over deh a stress out himself and Shanice and you over yaso inna you pride a look people fi blame suh you can cope a suh we grow you Jasmine" Tears of pain and regret stain my face as her words bore through me like knives as I reflect on my actions

'now you see seh yah dranco, dutty bitch' kayy I deserve that

"everybody a hurt Jasmine suh stop think bout yourself and start think bout you pickney father, you bestfriend and most importantly you baby and A-don, he saw that first hand a him call him grandmother, you even hold him from the situation happen, no. me loose offa you Jasmine, suh mek diss right and until you do only talk to me when you need something fi me grand pickeny dem or yah dead otherwise you deh pon you own"

"mommy wait i" i try 

"goodnight Jasmine" she walks out without looking back at me 

Shame is a understatement, regret and pain is seeping in like alcohol on a open wound

I am a bitch frl and I need to apologize to everyone, but how even me auntie me own an apology for disrespecting her partner even him, Shane has been nothing but kind to me since I met him at Zaheer's club and found out he was my aunts mysterious man and babyfather and I let my anger and rage get to me, my son who I've basically ignored him

I walk to the joint bathroom to take a shower while I cry my eyes out, I need to get it all out so I can focus on moving forward and getting better

11:02pm

After coming out of the shower i feel refreshed and a little better

i walk to my son's room and open the door to find him on his iPad playing games, he looks up at me and smiles sweetly upon seeing me 

"hey papa why you nah sleep nuh see how late it is" I say closing the door behind me 

"no" he says with a pout on him cute little lips

I get under the covers with him tickling him and blowing on him belly, his laughs and giggles are so intoxicating and cute

"come show me how fi play the game yah play" I chuckle rubbing my growing belly, lord me two pickeny dem nahgo ave nuh room inna dissa belly yah

"bebe" he smiles rubbing my exposed belly as well, I don't know but clothes just feel uncomfortable since me belly start expand

"yes babies in mommy tum tum" I smile raking my hand through his beautiful tall hair

"babies, two?" he asked

"yes papa, your gonna have two baby siblings, so sorry mommy didn't tell you the surprise, and I'm so sorry you had to see what you saw last week, I'm sorry I've been inside my room and not comforting you as its you who have the real trauma" I breakdown hugging him close to myself "I'm so sorry my baby" I cry still holding him

"it ok mama, I lob you" he smiles wiping my tears away, so cute 

"I love you too baby" I smiled wiping my eyes while hugging him closely

soon after I find myself drifting off to sleep

I hope Zaheer is ok and comes home

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y'all unuh watch supercell, Screamer is baeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

pumpum creamer 🤗🙈🙈my man 

if unuh want a story bout mojito just tell me, as a British baddie yeah 😂😂😂

Anyways vote and comment 1 screamer and comment unuh favorite Character pon supercell, unuh done know mine

and sorry for the late updates work has been a bitch, big oman life nuh easy atall