And Scene [H.S]

scene seven

AVIE STYLES

The days without Harry at home were beginning to feel never ending. Each day that passed just felt harder and harder to survive. I thought with time it'd get easier. I thought that I'd soon get used to the feeling and I'd soon learn to manage alone. I clearly had it very wrong, as time was passing by, the days just felt as long as years and all I could do was will for Harry's current project to come to an end. I had seriously underestimated just how hard this sole parenting gig would be. I didn't think it would push me as much as it was.

Harry had really stuck himself into his work over the past week, he had been leaving ridiculously early and only just making it home before Scout was tucked up in bed. I felt like I had hardly seen him over the past week and it was killing me inside.

I had noticed a difference in Scout's behaviour too. Getting him to do anything without Harry around was like talking to a brick wall, it was like trying to do the impossible every single day. I only had to ask him to put his toys away and it was like I had just told him we were fleeing the country. Every tiny thing sent him into a meltdown and I couldn't figure out if it was just his age and part of being a toddler, or if Harry's absence was really starting to take a toll on him.

Either way, our lives were anything but sunshine right now.

I tried to power through every day, I tried to remind myself that each day was a new day and so I had plenty more chances for things to improve and yet every day I find myself a little more disappointed than before. I was doing my best to keep positive for Scout's sake, but when my soulmate and other half wasn't by my side, there was only so much I could do alone. There was only so much strength I could possibly possess without him.

Of course, I wanted him to go out to work and I wanted him to continue living out his dream and doing what he loves. I wanted him to go and socialise, I wanted him to get out and do these amazing things, I just hated that there was a consequence for Scout and I.

There was a pang in my heart every time I wake up next to an empty space beside me. There's a crack in my chest every time I settle Scout down to sleep at the end of the day and Harry still isn't home. There's an ache in my bones every time Scout cries out for his dada, his tiny hands slapping against the window in demand for nobody but his dad.

He didn't want me, he didn't want his Auntie Effie or his Auntie P. He didn't want Harry's parents, he didn't want his Uncle Niall or his toys. He just wanted Harry and a phone call wouldn't suffice for our Scoutie boy. He couldn't cope with a FaceTime or just seeing his face through a screen. He wanted Harry, in the flesh, and nothing else would do.

"Dada home now?" Scout looks up at me with glassy eyes, his hand against the window making marks that I would one day miss when he had flown the nest. He hadn't even let me change him out of his pyjamas this morning so he was still covered in food from breakfast, his hair a mess like he had just woken up and his little cheeks were red from how much he had been crying this morning.

It broke my heart more than words could ever say.

He wasn't the same little boy, he wasn't my Scout. I only saw the Scout we all knew when Harry was around. It was like Harry was the key to his heart, much like my own. I could barely function without Harry around and it seems that Scout couldn't either. We were both just as bad as each other.

"Not yet, we haven't even had lunch baby, daddy will come home at dinner time, remember?" I remind him gently to keep his tears at bay when he didn't get the answer he was hoping for. He only wanted to know that his dad was coming home, anything else wasn't acceptable in his eyes.