And Scene [H.S]

scene nine

AVIE STYLES

I had taken Penny's advice and decided that enough was enough. I quite frankly couldn't live like this anymore and I couldn't keep going through the motions as my husband barely spoke to me. As much as it scared me, I knew I needed to put a stop to it before this became too much. Already the strain on our family was immense and I couldn't afford to lose what we once had. I refused to let it get to that degree.

So I had spent all evening slaving away in the kitchen, frantically googling recipes to make from scratch, something special to show Harry just how much he means to me, but a meal hardly scraped the surface. I just wanted to do something nice, something to lift his spirits, something that made him feel worthy of all the hard work he had been putting in.

I just felt like I should do something. I couldn't bear sitting here any longer with my head in my hands wondering what on earth I was doing wrong for everything to come plummeting down so quickly. If I wanted change, I need to make an effort.

Scout had been adamant on helping me out in the kitchen, although as much as the thought melted my heart and watching him attempt to crack an egg cured the sadness that I carried around with me like heavy luggage, his help was a little more of a hinderance than anything.

I had done my very best to make everything perfect, I had followed the recipe step by step, even going as far as making a vanilla panna cotta for dessert, something I had never dabbled with before. I was pulling out all the stops to really make this a special night for us.

I think we both deserved it, it was well overdue by now and an evening together would have to suffice until we could spend a whole day together. I think I'd probably faint when the day came, it felt like such a distant reality now. I hadn't had Harry for so long, I wasn't sure how I'd actually react when the day came. I'd probably keel over in excitement or disbelief, one of the two.

I had gone to great lengths to get this exactly perfect, even going as far as sending Harry a message to tell him that there was a surprise waiting for him at home and that I was looking forward to seeing him just so he knew to leave on time tonight rather than staying and chatting with the guys or whatever else he reeled off to me, though he hadn't replied even hours later.

"Daddy now?" Scout looks at me as he rubs his tired eyes with a balled fist.

For the past half an hour he had been sat on my hip, snuggling against me with his teddy whilst he continuously asks for his dad no matter how many times I told him that I didn't think he'd be home in time to see him before bed. And besides, I kind of needed him to go to bed just so I could spend some time making sure that everything was perfect. I was still wearing one of Harry's t-shirts and a pair of biker shorts and I most definitely wanted to be able to change into something much nicer for Harry. I couldn't do what whilst Scout was still glued to my hip.

I wanted for this to be perfect and I wouldn't settle for less. Harry deserves only the best and I would do anything I could to ensure he got just that.

"Not yet baby" I shake my head at him with a little pout forming at my lips, yet another day that Scout had gone without his father. Another day of empty promises and another day without the arms he so desperately needs. I could only imagine the type of pain this was all causing him, especially when he didn't understand. I wasn't even sure I wanted to know where his mind was right now.

"Why don't we go and have a cuddle in bed and then when daddy comes home, I promise he'll give you a kiss whilst you're sleeping, okay?" I promise him, though I meant it. Harry filled him with empty hope, he promised him day after day to the point where promises were soon starting to lose their meaning by now, but I meant them with everything I had. I wasn't just saying it to keep Scout happy.