RAW #2 FLASHBACKS

FIVE & SIX

  At age five I had grown used to what Bill and Julie were doing to me.

  Sad, really. 

  It became a normal thing them coming into my bedroom at night taking my innocence and leaving me crying. 

  Ages 5-6 it's all kind of a blur. But I do remember some things. 

  I remember when I was in kindergarten we went to a private school. I enjoyed it, made a friend and I was happy during school because we weren't being homeschooled and that meant less time with Bill and Julie. I was happy. 

  That was a good school year. Julie and Bill only came to my room a few times because they were tired from getting up super early for school. 

  But then in first grade mama decided to homeschool us again.

  So it was back to playing sexual games with Bill and Julie during lunch time or after dinner. I hated it. I remember trying to hide in our big back yard from them and being found they would throw me on the ground and piss on my pretty dress. 

  We had to wear dresses and skirts because we were a Christian household so pants and shorts weren't allowed.

  I remember them lifting up my skirt or dress every chance they got to touch me inappropriately or I'd touch Julie, etc. It was sickening and I hated it and wished mom and dad would do something about it. 

  But they didn't.

  Wait I forgot to mention my parents knew about Bill molesting me and having me touch him. They didn't know about Julie. She hid it better but Bill would touch me right in front of mom and dad.

  Because of this, there were some nights I slept in my parents room to protect me from Bill. I loved those nights. Mom and dad played really pretty music that helped me fall asleep and have good dreams.

  But when I had to sleep in my bed, here they'd come. Sometime I'd scream and dad would come and rescue me as Bill would hide in the closet and Julie acted innocent. Daddy saved me sometimes. 

  My parents allowed the abuse because they thought they could help him and used his mental illness as an excuse for what he did and that made it OK. 

   This went on for too long. 

  I will forever have these small memories burned in my brain. 

  But at age 7, something changed.