Days without you

Chapter 3: Missing You

Day 03

3rd May 2024, Friday

Time check: 06:30hrs

Happy Friday!

I survived on just 2 hours of sleep last night! My morning was filled with lots of love as his text came in earlier than expected. He greeted me with love and a smile. For a moment, I was trying hard to insert my contact lenses into my eyes but got distracted as I heard his text coming in! Yay! Now we are each other's favourite person. How sweet can this man of mine be?

It's the third day without you, and I'm feeling a little more of missing you. I don't know how long I can do this, but I am trying to stay as sane as possible, hustling in everything I do. Five days seems like five years, five months, and five days. All the fives, I wonder why. LOL! Trust me, it's hard. When I say it's hard, it really is. If my mentality is not strong enough, I don't think I can do this. I even told him that if he's posted offshore again, I will tag along.

Nothing much in our mornings, just a random reminder for each other. My journey to work seemed quite smooth, with a smile and blushing cheeks that got stuck on my face after I received a picture from him! Awww...I miss you so much, honey! Come back home soon, babe! We exchanged reels along with our conversations, adding my 'V from BTS' in his gif. Tristan is so good now at catching up with the things that I'm fond of. A very smart and fast observer, I must say.

Our chat lasted quite some time today; I guess he must have some free space hence fitting in time for me in between. Gamsahamnida! Saranghae, oppa! I appreciate it!

Didn't we know that your connection is worse there than at home? He has been relying on the ship's connections. Well, that's expected from the research. I understand that much. So, as long as we can still connect with each other, I don't think there should be any other issues. Like you mentioned, I am as inquisitive as a cat, digging up as much info as I can!

We ended our text exchange at 09:33 hrs and continued our day without each other. It's been such a tiring day today, with a lot of stress here and there. I'm trying so hard to clear the mess by tackling the pending tasks that have been piling up. Meeting after meeting, never-ending deadlines... I feel like soon I'll be the one who is going to be dead over all these tons of tasks! My brain is neither here nor there, thinking, worrying, and missing you in between. I don't know if he's facing the same issues as I am, but I hope he's sparing some thoughts thinking about me too!

Time check: 21:01hrs

I was almost done with showering when I heard his texts coming in. Hurray! You know, I miss you like crazy, babe. Only God knows, I guess, how much I miss you on top of the other normal days. You know that feeling, like the greatest loss in your life. Like you really love somebody, but you couldn't have them in your life? Something like that. It's more like a depressed mood.

I know myself. Usually, I don't behave that way. Even with the current situation that I am facing every day at home, it doesn't really bother me as much as when Tristan and I get closer each day. I tried a lot of things to distract myself: cleaning, reading, working on the documents that piling up, watching Netflix, and even trying to finish an episode of my novel. But none of it worked. And to be honest, this was the first time I brought back my documentations home to work on it but in the end, I didn't even touch it. Can you see how bad it was? I have never been this bad.

As I shared with you, yes, to be honest, you are such a terrible distraction to me that I can't even accomplish a single task. I tried to fit in as many things as I could at work while watching my students build blocks and attempting to work on my evaluations. Little did I know, instead of writing my evaluation, I ended up writing Tristan's name all over the boxes until one of my students came by and asked what I was doing.

What have you done to me, babe? I wonder if you ever experienced the same as me?

My nightly routine has been very messy ever since you left offshore. I can't sleep well and all. The best part is, I track back all our conversations from the beginning and read them until the current one. Actually, from the start, you were the one being so clingy with me. I gave you a stern warning not to fall in love with me, but you kept telling me that it was too late. I smiled, laughed, and blushed to myself when I read all those conversations back then.

You changed my life; you were the best medicine. Ever since we started dating, I stopped taking my sleeping pills, and I no longer needed to sedate myself to sleep. Most of my nights were peaceful; I rarely had insomnia, and the tingling sensations were rare. But after you left for offshore, it all started again. My insomnia became severe, and I could only sleep for a maximum of two hours or even less. I don't know the cause of it. I'm tired, really, but my brain just won't shut down. I don't understand why it keeps running throughout the night. I keep telling myself that Tristan will only be away for a while and to stop worrying. I mean, it's okay to be worried, but not to the extent that it affects my whole body system.

I ever wonder, what if one day our relationship doesn't turn out well? What will happen to me? Will I feel utterly lost? Will I be given a chance to breathe, to heal, to sleep, to eat, and all? Knowing that he left temporarily for just five days, I can't even endure it, I can't even face it. What will happen to me? Right now, I'm already sleep-deprived. Every day, I'm struggling. I can't sleep well, and it's taking a toll on me. Can you imagine when you're busy working, and suddenly you feel so sleepy that you start seeing triple and could collapse at any moment to sleep? That's how I feel.

His worry starts to kick in when he learns what I've been going through since he left. Apology after apology, and I don't see why he needs to do it just because he feels bad about leaving me and not being able to attend to me much.

You sent a voice note, singing my favourite song, sung by you. You thought it might help a little with my insomnia. But after I heard it, trust me, it got worse! I cried so badly because I miss your voice so much! I started tearing up here and there, telling you that it's making it worse. I thought I could handle it, but I was wrong.

Tristan, if you're reading this, please know that you drive me crazy, and I'm literally addicted to you. I LOVE YOU BABE! And mostly, I MISS YOU!

We ended our conversation with a good night and ended our night at 00:19hrs.

Yours Truly,

Thea, 0456am