Opposites Attract (Bilyoncé)

"Insecure"

Billie's P.O.V.

Three weeks had passed and I was trying to create music with my brother for the new album. But my focus just wasn't there. My mind was on the fact that everywhere I looked, I saw images of my girlfriend with another woman. They were even "pretend" flirting in each other's comments on social media. But was it really just pretend...?

"What's wrong, Billz? You're too distracted. Why aren't you focusing?", Finneas asked.

"I think I might lose my girlfriend", I replied.

"Is this about the PR bullshit with her and Nicki Minaj?"

"Yeah .....they're spending too much time together. Beyoncé was supposed to be on break until next month. And even though she's not doing music right now, she's still busy with this PR stunt. Her and Nicki are somewhere now doing an interview together. Pretending to be this loving, happy couple. And I'm just not sure if they're still just pretending or not", I stated.

"Is she acting distant?", Finneas asked. "Because that's definitely a sign of cheating."

"Honestly, no. She's not being distant at all. I'm just probably paranoid and insecure. But how could I not be? I just want this shit to be over", I replied.

Finneas didn't say anything. He simply hugged me and let me cry on his chest like a little bitch for a few minutes. I guess I needed that hug and to let a good cry out. Because once I was done being an emotional wreck, I was able to come up with some fire ass lyrics.

After my recording session with Finneas, I arrived home. I texted Beyoncé to see what time she would be back.

Billie: "What time will you be home?"

Beyoncé: : "I'll be there in about an hour. Did you and Finneas record any new songs?"

Billie: "Yeah....we came up with one called 'Skinny'. Which will be the first song on the album. I'll let you hear it when you get here."

Beyoncé: "I can't wait, baby. You seemed a little off when I left earlier though. Are you ok?"

Billie: "I'm just ready for this PR stuff with you &Nicki to be over. You're  spending a lot of time with her. Sometimes I don't know if it's all pretend. Or if you're really starting to have feelings for her."

Beyoncé: "👀.....Talk to you when I get home, Billie...."

Was all she said. I didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. I became nervous and worried. Especially since she didn't call me a cute pet name like "baby, honey, sweetheart, boo, bae or Billz". She called me Billie....so she was being serious. 

One thing I used to do was self harm. And for the first time since I was fourteen, I got tempted to cut myself. But I was able to shake it off. Only because I didn't want Beyoncé to come in and see me bleeding. That would've been embarrassing as hell.

So instead of self harm, I decided to indulge in alcohol. I was supposed to only have one shot of Tequila. But I just kept drinking and drinking....by the time Beyoncé got home, I was a drunken mess.

"Babe....you've been drinking?!"

"Yeah, I'm twenty one so I can do that. You told me not to smoke because it fucks up my vocal chords. Now you don't want me to fucking drink?!", I asked in a mean tone.

"First of all, nobody said you couldn't drink. But why the fuck are you drunk?!", she yelled.

"I had to have something to occupy my mind while you hang out with Nicki Minaj! The woman you truly want! Just go ahead and tell me the truth about you two!", I exclaimed.

Beyoncé shook her head and looked at me with disappointment in her eyes. I was breaking her heart. But at that moment, I didn't care. I was hurting, and as the saying goes, "Hurt people hurt people."

"You told me you understood that it was fake but clearly you don't. I don't want Nicki! What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

"Did you fuck her, Bey? Because if you did you better pack your shit and get the fuck out of my house!"

"You know damn well I didn't fuck her! You know what, I'm not about to deal with another drunk! I went through this bullshit with Meg. I'm not about to do it again!"

Beyoncé grabbed her car keys and stormed out of the house. I chased behind her....

"Wait, please! I'm sorry....", I said.

"I can't deal with this craziness.....You can't get drunk and accuse me of cheating on you. I don't want to be bothered with that kind of bullshit", Beyoncé said.

"I just don't like seeing you with her. I know it's fake but it still hurts", I stated as a tear escaped my eye.

Beyoncé shook her head. "You have to trust me. I never wanted to do this PR stuff but you know I had no other choice. Nicki is going through the same shit with Rihanna. Only Rihanna didn't get drunk and accuse Nicki of cheating."

"I'm sorry....I don't deserve you. So if you want to leave me I understand", I simply said.

Beyoncé paused for a few seconds....Then, she wrapped her arms around me and kissed me.

"Let's go in the house. You need to sober up", she said.

She helped me undress and told me to take a cool shower. While in the shower, so many thoughts flooded my mind. I didn't want to lose Beyoncé. I wasn't used to being in a happy, healthy relationship. So maybe I was just looking for reasons to not be happy. Maybe I was just expecting the worst to happen because the worst was what I was used to. Being happy and truly in love was foreign to me. So it scared me...

I got out of the shower and dried myself off. I looked into the mirror and cried. I was so disappointed in myself and my behavior. Why was I so insecure? And why did I always turn to either self harm or substances like alcohol or drugs. I wanted to do better.....

"Are you feeling better?", Beyoncé asked when I came back downstairs. She was in the kitchen eating. She had brought home food for us both. But I didn't have much of an appetite.

"Yeah, I'm still buzzed but I'll live", I replied.

"You need to eat something", she suggested.

I nodded and forced myself to eat some fries. They were good actually. We were silent as we ate. Then, I broke the silence....

"I don't want you to leave me. I'll get help", I said.

"Good....but get help for yourself most importantly, babe. I don't like seeing you like this. And I don't want you worrying about me cheating or anything like that. I would never do that to you. I swear", Beyoncé promised.

"I know.....I just let my insecurities get the best of me. And for that I apologize",  I humbly said.

"I accept your apology. Now go ahead and eat. Then we can spend the rest of the night together", she said with a warm smile.

I was happy that Beyoncé forgave me and didn't leave me. But I knew I seriously needed to get some therapy. I had been putting it off for years and years. But it was time to be an adult and prioritize my mental health....

After we ate, Beyoncé and I ended up going to the beach. Nobody was there but us because it was so late. We cuddled with each other and kissed as we listened to music and talked.

"I needed this time with you, baby", I said to her.

"I know....only one more week, babe. Ok? This will all be over soon. You just have to trust that my heart is yours", Beyoncé said to me.

"Ok....I trust you...."