The red apple that should have stayed green

Chapter 5 - Escape

She almost didn't slept this night. She was shocked by what she discovered. The last time she had felt love was so long ago that she had forgot how it feels. Her first love was at primary school, he was really older but she loved him so much . He was the son of her neighbours, and they were really close. She was 11 and he was 18 but she was attached to him. She was going everyday to there home to see him and he was welcoming and playing with her. Until they moved away to Europe and she never saw him again. This day she swore to herself to never fall in love again, it was too painful. Why did it happened again ? She made a promise, she couldn't. But she was, and it was hurting. And why always older boy ? What couldn't she fall for boy about her age ? She is a baby for HIM, a "little girl" like HE called her. It was gonna be hard. 

November 8th.

Morning came and she slept only 4 hrs. It was really torturing her. But at breakfast she wore her happy mask, Hanna was there and she was enough worried already. More, she couldn't give any explanations of her bad mood, so how could she shows it. Hanna and her putted on their school uniforms and took the road. Kim almost said no words, and only listened to what Hanna as still to say. Kim was always amaze by how many stories Hanna could have. When Eun Bi joined them it was almost a release. Han answered to Bi surprised face when she saw the girls together. Bi thought that Han was sick because she didn't saw her at their meeting point. They reached class and greed their classmate, Han showed our girl the boy that she loved and pushed her on her chair. 

"-Ya ! be discreet ! I don't want him to think weird things ! - she murmured

-Ah yeah sorry, he is a pretty boy, yes

-"A pretty boy" ? That's all you have to say ? He is ... -she started to list all the things she loved about him"

Kim turn front and looked at the black board, she didn't wanted to listen to Hanna this morning. Someone had write something on, she took a better look and saw "No History Lessons today, replace by English". WHAT ?  It was only 8 am and she'd to face Lee Jinki Teacher ? She wanted a more time to make up a script to be able to handle HIS stare, HIS smile, HIS everything. How could she do it without preparations ? It was gonna be a disaster, a tsunami of feels, she was gonna be destruct inside. She start thinking of things rapidly, something to erase her expression. She took Hanna mirror and start practicing her mask. But it was a fail each time. She couldn't hide it. How ? It never happened before ... She was so worried that her hands start shaking, and dropped Hanna mirror.  "Crunch" it broke in hundred pieces. Everyone stopped and looked at her. She didn't even saw everyone stare and was still in her world. She was looking at all the pieces and was trying to smile when she actually couldn't. Her classmates were wondering what was happening when she suddenly broke in tears. Kim, the invisible, the so shy and quiet girl, was crying in front of all her class. And she wasn't even caring about it. The class was suddenly so quiet. She wasn't crying of sadness but because she was trapped. Trapped somewhere she couldn't escape. She had always hide everything, she has always been what people around wanted her to be. She has never been true to herself, and today, her mask fell. The face which she was always hiding was naked. Her shield had disappeared, and it was hurting. She was lost and couldn't think anymore, she was broken and had to build everything again. But right now the only thing she was able to do is crying. Crying to eject her pain.

A hand took hers and drove her until reaching the infirmary. There was no one here, the nurse was absent this day. This hand sat her on a bed, wiped her tears, and start talking:

"-Are you alright ? What happened ? 

-...

-Tell me ! Everyone is worried and wanna know why you are in this state.

-...

-I understand, take a rest here, and come back in class when you'll feel better."

She wasn't able to say a word. All was stock in her throat.

This sweet hand left the room and let her alone. Again. She was again alone. Everyone was leaving her one day. She built her mask to not be alone anymore but it happened again. How will Hanna and Eun Bi react ? They will be disgust by her ... She had ruined everything. She was still hoping for a miracle where her friends would still like her the way she really is. And there was the principal problem that couldn't be told. She couldn't tell them the truth and couldn't lie because it will not be credible. She was meeting a wall. The wall of choices with 2 doors. "Truth" and "Escape". Truth was to hard to admit and escape was so attractive. The door she took since so many years even looked like an arch with nice flowers growing on. 

She stayed here one hour, cogitating about everything. And escape was her best option. More she didn't wanted to stay here, someone could see her, so she left the infirmary, and even school. She was escaping again ... but she needed some time to herself. 

She went on town walked for two hours, and stopped in a coffee shop. She looked at her watch it was 10:30 am. She drank her hot chocolate, ate her pastries and left the shop.She was heading to school, she had to go back, teachers were gonna be worried and would call her mom. Who would call the police, the firemen, the neighbour, the whole city. Her mom was a bit too much sometimes. She was there standing in front of the school gate. She sighed, and walked in. "Courage Kim" she thought to herself.