I Want To Dream Now

Chapter 5

Charlene awakes to the smell of eggs. Toast and eggs. French toast.

This makes her smile. 

"French toast," she giggles to herself, and ends the private laugh in a long sigh. If only Robin were here to guide her now.

Today is the day Jillian comes home. Those words sound funny to Charlene. Her mother - actually arriving home.

"This isn't her home though," she whispers and covers her head with her duvet. One tear, then another.

"Knock, knock Charlie babe."

Charlene snuggles her head down further, shutting her eyes as if she were asleep.

Footsteps. She heard footsteps.

"Hey now," her father speaks rather softly, like he did when she was only 5, "I know you're awake. I heard your voice down the hallway."

Charlene continues closing her eyes.

"Charlie," he says again, stroking her neck. He moves his fingers then quickly, and her head scrunches up. She squeals with laughter.

"Dad," she says, flicking the duvet off her head.

The first thing she notices is his pearl blue eyes. They seem relaxed, almost. The creases under his eyes are soft. Everything about seems soft. Comforting, she realises. Happy.

"Cmon, Charlie babe," he says, "French toast will be cold."

Oh, I think of colder things down there, Charlene thinks.

"Dad," Charlene croaks. "I don't think I can do it."

He smiles at her. "You can. She's good, baby, trust me. You wouldn't even recognize her."

"She doesn't want to see me."

He lifts a brow, laughing. "She does. Of course she does. Now, get yours skates on."

Charlene smiles back timidly. She is nervous, or rather petrified. She pulls the duvet cover off her, very slowly and pulls the curtains open. A brand new day, she tells herself. Maybe things will actually be good this time. The sun is splitting the stones. The ducks are in the water.

 Ducks.

After she is finished dressing her self in a warm, mustard jumper and straight jeans, she heads down the hallway. Her mother's voice is loud, like it always was. Suddenly, Charlene is taunted with memories of her, always trying to win over the house guests. Never letting dad say the last word, at a party, wedding or in an argument. She always has to win. Maybe, this is what she is doing now, Charlene realizes.

She pushes the door open anyway.

"Hi."

Her mother's head turns instantly, a ginormous grin on her face. Missing teeth of course. Other than that, however, Charlene is impressed. Her mother is dressed modestly for a change in a navy tunic and dark leggings. Her hair is chopped sharply at her squared chin, while she wears very minimal makeup. The harsh lines Charlene remembers that used to absorb her face are now very faint if non-existent.

"Charlene, you looks gorgeous," she says, stands up then immediately to give her a hug. Charlene doesn't back away, but doesn't hug her back either. 

Jillian pulls away after around 10 second, but keeps her hands rested firmly on Charlene's frail shoulders.

"Happy 18th, before I forget."

That'd be right. "Thanks."

"So," she says, letting her hands slide off, "How have you been?"

Charlene nods her head. "Fine...you?"

She nods back very quickly. "Great. Excellent. I'm feeling so much better."

"That's good, Mom."

Charlene blushes straight away, and her mother responds with a big grin.  "Oh darling. I missed you."

And, another hug.

"How about we have a little party?"Her father says abruptly then.  "Charlene?"

"A party for what?" 

The look exchanged between the two is absolute toxic.

"You know, for your mother's homecoming."

Charlene bops her head, pretending to understand. 

A party? Is this an actual joke? 

A party? Who would even come?

"Nothing too fancy, Charles! But I would love a party."

"Wouldn't you?" Charlene says but bites her lip instantly. "Sorry."

Her mother smiles sadly. "It's OK. I want you to trust me, which I know will be difficult at first. But, I am not going to do anything that could wreck our relationship again. I promise."

"Right."

"I'm being honest, Charlene. Look. There will be no alcohol at this party. None. Anyone that brings it in will be sent home. Mark my word."

"That's great, Mom, " Charlene says dryly. "I've got to go. I've work to do."

She hurries out of the room, before her mother can snatch another hug.