CHAPTER 26 - Despondency

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despondency /dɪˈspɒnd(ə)nsi/ — low spirits from loss of hope or courage

     Not only did Reinae show up at the morning meeting without sleeping a wink, but she was also drunk. She had clumsily treated the wounds from her brawl in the communal bathroom, but she still was bloody and dirty, which caused the chatter in Erwin's office to die when everyone beheld her state.

     "What the hell happened to you?" Miche broke the silence, unable to hide his concern.

     The way people looked at her made her want to leave. She was exhausted and didn't want to deal with the disappointment on most of their faces, nor the shock and fear of the kids' expressions.

     "I tripped," Reinae replied flatly, despite knowing no one would believe her.

     "Your uniform is bloody, Reinae," Erwin noted, narrowing his eyes on the disheveled woman.

     "That tends to happen when one trips," she replied nonchalantly as she approached the surrounded desk. "Let's get this over with, shall we?"

     "In a hurry to get back to drinking?"

     Aiden's sharp question cut through the room, causing a few shocked gasps. His eyes were filled with disapproval. Reinae met her brother's stare, the corner of her mouth twitching upwards.

     "Is there a problem, brother?" she asked threateningly.

     Aiden didn't back down. "This is an important meeting, Rei- "

     "I don't think you understood my question," she interrupted, stepping closer. "I asked if you have a problem with your captain's decisions?"

     The room went dead silent. Erwin straightened, watching the exchange warily. Aiden scoffed in disbelief, his eyes flashing with anger.

     "You're gonna pull rank on me? Seriously?" he spat, getting in her face.

     "Seriously," she hissed back. "Because you seem to forget who you're speaking to."

     "And you seem to forget this is a meeting for capturing the person who killed your fucking squad! Eld! Petra! Gunther and Oluo! And you show up late and drunk?! Is throwing some fists around enough to make you forget about your revenge?"

     All blood drained from Reinae's face. The names of her fallen comrades made her feel sick, the ringing in her ears growing louder. Despite it, she held Aiden's glare. Under normal circumstances, she would've sent him flying, and the people in the office seemingly anticipated that since Levi, Erwin, Jasper, and Miche moved, ready to hold her back. Even Carter and Isaac stepped closer, their huge bodies towering behind Mila, whose wide blue eyes rested on Reinae—they had not seen each other since the night before the mission. It didn't take the petite woman long to realize just how bad Reinae's state was. And while her face softened with sympathy, she only squeezed her jaw and held back from meddling, knowing no good would come of it.

     Despite everyone's readiness to break up a fight, Reinae didn't start one. She watched her brother's furious expression, studying it, trying to figure out if he genuinely believed what he had just spat at her—that she had forgotten about avenging her friends, that in her grief, she was incapable of being what she was—a soldier. And when she found honest disappointment and frustration, something chilled in her heart.

     She slowly turned her head towards Erwin, who watched her tensely. Their eyes met, and then hers flashed in bright green, and his widened when she clawed at his recent memories. It was only for a moment, just so she could see everything said and decided during the meeting, but it burnt her last threads of energy. She swayed where she stood, grabbing onto a chair to prevent herself from falling. Levi stepped closer, his hands reaching to hold her, but she pulled away from his touch.

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