desolation - an ellie williams fanfic

6 - a dream of her

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚6 - a dream of her˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

disclaimers: PTSD symptoms mentioned, momentary confinement mentioned.

The girl—the breathtaking girl who walked me to the Tipsy Bison and pretty much witnessed me have a panic attack—was Ellie. The Ellie that I came all this way to confront, to demand why she did what she did.

Her hand still hovered in the air in front of me, and I just stared at her. I wasn't noting her features and beauty anymore; instead, I was staring at her with rage boiling inside me.

"Sorry. Germaphobe," I said through clenched teeth. Forcing my feet to move, I dropped my gaze to the ground and walked forward, my shoulders stiff with tension.

Ellie frowned at my refusal to shake her hand. I sensed her following me into the bar, and my emotions were bubbling over, threatening to erupt. I wanted to scream at her, to grab her by the collar of her shirt and tell her how much I hated her. The rage inside me was overwhelming, making her proximity feel unbearable.

"Oh—uh, no worries," she said from behind me. I stayed silent, hoping my lack of communication would signal for her to get the hell away from me. I needed to play this smart. I recalled Tommy and Maria's words: if I gave them any reason to doubt me, I'd be out of Jackson. I couldn't afford that. I needed to gain Ellie's trust to get what I really wanted.

"Well, it was nice to meet you. It gets less scary after the first few days. I've been there," she continued, her hand rising to scratch her head—probably a nervous habit. Her voice held a mix of sincerity and awkwardness, trying to bridge the gap my coldness had created.

"Yep. Thanks," I said flatly, stripping any emotion from my tone. I needed to seem neutral, given my real aim was to get closer to her to uncover why she and Joel did what they did.

"Sure. See ya 'round," she said, her confusion evident. She had probably picked up on my sudden shift in demeanor, from a blushing mess to a cold, distant figure.

I just nodded, avoiding her gaze as she walked away. But the feeling in my chest lingered. My breath still caught in my throat, my stomach fluttered as I dared to look at her again. She walked with a confidence I envied, her stride easy and assured. She joined a man and a woman at a small round table across the bar, both probably around my age too.

I continued to watch. Ellie began speaking to them, the conversation unintelligible from where I stood. I tried to read her lips, and then the other girl looked at me, her expression intrigued. Heat rushed to my cheeks as we made eye contact. Now they definitely knew I was watching. Embarrassed, I shifted my gaze, feeling the intensity of their scrutiny.

I moved away at this point, avoiding the side of the bar where they sat. I navigated the edges of the room, observing people while keeping to myself. I didn't want to spark any conversations, afraid of what I might say. I had no idea how to act in public situations like this; I had never experienced anything of this magnitude.

"Hey, Natalie! You made it," a voice called from behind me. I spun around to see Tommy approaching. I forced a smile, trying to appear as if I was having fun.

"Hey, Tommy. Yeah, I did!" I replied, anxiously clasping my hands in front of me. Tommy walked closer, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"I'm glad you came. I know this is probably a lot for you right now, but you know what they say—face your fears and all that stuff," he laughed. Maria appeared behind him, her expression a mix of playful annoyance and amusement, likely at Tommy's obviously drunken state.