desolation - an ellie williams fanfic

10 - the lookout

✧*̥˚ 10 - the lookout  *̥˚✧

I expected to wake up as I usually did: heart racing, hands trembling, head pounding—the familiar aftermath of my nightmares. But this time was different. Instead of the usual fear, I woke with a fluttering sensation in my stomach, and a nervous tremor in my limbs.

She was in my dreams again, but not as a monster this time. Her smile, so radiant and genuine, made my heart ache. It was confusing. More than that, it filled me with guilt. I couldn't allow myself to be distracted by a physical attraction, especially not to her. I had come too far, with too much at stake.

I forced myself out of bed, heading to the bathroom to splash water on my face, hoping to clear my mind and steady my resolve. I needed to redirect these feelings, to remind myself that she was just the first pretty person I'd encountered in years—someone my age, my mind had latched onto that in a moment of weakness. After years of isolation, without even the chance to develop a crush, my emotions were a tangled mess. But I couldn't let them pull me in her direction. No fucking way. Not with Ellie.

As I turned on the sink, I let the cool water run over my hands until they were numb, then cupped them to gather the water. I bent down, splashing it onto my face, letting the shock of it chase away any lingering doubts. I had to remember why I was here. Ellie's beauty was just a mask—beneath it, she was everything I despised.

I straightened up, staring at my reflection in the mirror

Remember what she did. She's pretty, but inside, she's not.

I took a deep breath, then went to get ready for my first day of patrol training—with her. I dressed carefully, pulling on the winter boots and thick jacket I'd gotten from the shop in town. I fixed my hair, tucking the baby strands behind my ears, making sure my new stud earrings were visible.

I sighed as I glanced down at my outfit. The winter coat I wore was practical, but far from flattering, and my boots, while perfect for the cold, offered little in the way of style. Pushing aside my self-consciousness, I grabbed my backpack and slung it over my shoulders, mentally preparing for the day ahead.

Leaving the house, I headed toward the stables, just as Maria had instructed—knowing that Ellie would be there. It was 7:45 AM when I stepped outside, determined not to be late. Maria had told me to be there by 8 AM, but I didn't want to give anyone the impression that I was a slacker. By 7:50, I reached the stables, taking a moment to look around. The place was quiet, with only Sam, the horse keeper, attending to the animals. Judging by the stillness, I guessed this must be the earliest patrol shift.

"Hey, Sam," I greeted the older man softly. He returned my words with a kind, albeit tired, smile as he made his way to Luna's stall. The thought of finally getting to ride her again brought a small smile to my face.

"Mornin'. Sorry, I'm so tired," he replied, stifling a yawn. I chuckled lightly, sharing in his exhaustion.

"No worries, me too."

"I'll get her ready to ride, but I have to wait for Ellie before handing her off. In the meantime, you can check out the board. It should already show your route, and there's a map you can look over if you want." He gestured toward the entrance of the stables, where a large board hung on the wall, names and locations neatly listed. I'd noticed it before but had been too focused on Luna to pay attention to the details. Now, with a bit of time on my hands, I figured it wouldn't hurt to take a closer look.

On a small table beside the board, a few maps were neatly stacked atop a logbook listing the names of each patrol member. As I scanned the first few names—Ellie, Dina, Jesse, Tommy, and Joel—I felt a chill run through me. My fist clenched involuntarily, and my heart began to race. I hadn't seen Joel yet, but I'd learned enough during my time here to know he was Tommy's brother, and that Ellie was close to him. The thought that I might have unknowingly passed him in the streets of Jackson made my jaw tighten. What if I had casually waved hello, completely oblivious to the fact that I was greeting a monster in disguise?