Dear Henry,
I dreamt of you last night. We were back at uni, but everything was different. You held me close, your warmth seeping into my bones, looking into my eyes, and suddenly I knew. When I woke, my heart ached in a way I've never felt before, a hollow pain that echoes with every breath. The reality crashed over me like a tidal wave, leaving me gasping and disoriented.
I think I'm in love with you. No, I know I am and the realisation terrifies me. I made a vow never to fall for you, my best friend. Now I've broken it, and I don't know what to do. It was supposed to be simple, you and me, best friends forever. Now I've broken that promise to myself, to you, and I'm lost. Every memory of us is tinged with this new, bittersweet knowledge. Your smile, your touch, your kindness, they all mean something different now. How did this happen? When did you become more than just my best friend?
Your smile makes my heart race. Your laugh sends shivers down my spine. Your touch...God, your touch lingers on my skin long after you've gone.
If only you were here to help me sort out this mess. Ironic, isn't it? The one person I want to talk to about this is the one person I can never tell. I'm drowning in these feelings, Henry, and I don't know how to save myself.
I catch myself daydreaming about what it would be like if you felt the same way. Would you cup my face gently, the way you do when you're trying to cheer me up, but this time lean in for a kiss? Would your eyes light up with recognition, as if you'd been waiting for me to catch up all along?
But then reality crashes back in. You're my best friend. You trust me. And here I am, harbouring these feelings that could ruin everything we've built. The guilt is eating me alive, Henry.
I'm scared, Henry. Scared of these feelings, scared of losing you, scared of living with this secret. But most of all, I'm scared that I'll never feel this way about anyone else ever again.
Oh, Henry, what am I going to do?
Missing you more than ever,
Celine
December 2014
