Dear Henry,
Congratulations on your engagement. The news hit me like a tidal wave, and I'm still struggling to breathe. I stare at the phone, reading your message over and over, willing the words to change. But they don't. They never will.
You're going to be an amazing husband. I've always known that. I just never imagined it wouldn't be to me. In my dreams, it was always us, walking down the aisle, exchanging rings, promising forever. Now those dreams lie shattered at my feet, and I don't know how to pick up the pieces.
I close my eyes and I can see it all so clearly, the life we'll never have. The quiet mornings with your arms around me, the sound of our children's laughter echoing through a home we built together, the gentle wrinkles forming around your eyes as we grow old side by side. It's a future that exists only in my imagination, fading like mist in the harsh light of reality.
Maybe this is my punishment for breaking my vow. The universe has a cruel sense of humour, doesn't it? To let me love you so deeply, so completely, only to watch you pledge your life to someone else. I want to be happy for you, I do. But right now, all I can feel is this aching void where my heart used to be.
I wonder if she knows how lucky she really is. Does she appreciate the way your eyes crinkle when you laugh? Does she understand the depth of kindness in your soul?
Will she love every part of you the way I do? Silently, completely, desperately?
Wishing you joy, even as I drown in sorrow,
Celine
November 2017
