Dear Henry,
You're married. I watched you promise forever to someone else, and somehow, I'm still breathing. Even though each breath feels like glass in my lungs, shredding me from inside out.
You stood there at the altar, in your tailored suit, your hair slightly tousled as always. Your eyes, those stormy seas I've always loved to get lost in, were bright with unshed tears of joy. When she appeared, your face lit up in a way I've never seen before. It was like watching the sun rise, gradual and breathtaking. Your smile, oh Henry, your smile could have outshone every star in the sky.
You looked at her the way I always hoped you'd look at me. Your eyes shone with a love so pure, so complete, that for a moment I forgot my own pain. Because seeing you so happy, it was beautiful, even through my tears. She walked down the aisle, and I saw your future unfold, a home filled with laughter, children with your smile, a lifetime of love and companionship. It's everything I ever wanted for you, even if it's with someone else.
Everything I'll never have.
As you said your vows, your voice trembled with emotion. I found myself hanging on every word, imagining for a small, painful moment that they were meant for me. Your hands, always so steady, shook slightly as you slipped the ring on her finger. It was a gesture so tender, so full of promise, that I had to look away, choking back a sob that was tearing me apart.
I wanted to scream, to rush forward and stop the ceremony. To confess my love for you in front of everyone. But I remained rooted to my seat, silent and breaking, as I watched my dreams turn to dust.
I'm letting you go now. It's time. I hung the moon for you, Henry, but she gave you the sun. She'll be the one to hold you at night, to share your joys and sorrows, to grow old with you. And I'll be the friend who smiles from the sidelines, carrying the weight of what could have been.
Tonight, I'll cry until there are no tears left. I'll scream into my pillow until my voice gives out. I'll try to exorcise this love that's been both my greatest joy and deepest sorrow. But I know it's useless. Loving you is etched into my being, a part of me as essential as breathing.
Be happy, my love. That's all I've ever wanted for you. Know that somewhere out there, there's a girl who loved you with every fiber of her being. A girl who would have given anything to be the one standing beside you today. A girl who will always, always wish you nothing but joy.
As I write this final letter, my tears stain the paper, blurring the ink. It feels like I'm writing my own eulogy, burying the part of me that dared to love you so completely. I hope that someday, the memory of you will bring more smiles than pain. But for now, I'll learn to live with this ache, to breathe around the Henry-shaped hole in my heart.
Goodbye, Henry. Thank you for being my almost. For the laughter, the dreams, the moments that I'll treasure even as they haunt me. Thank you for showing me what love could be, even if it wasn't meant for me.
Forever in my heart,
Celine
June 15, 2018
