Whatever It Takes

Stupid Feelings

I bustled around my room, stressed out of my mind and confused from everything that happened this afternoon. I slicked on some eyeliner, frowning at myself in the mirror as I thought back to my conversation with Nancy.

Had the weird feelings I had been have around Eddie for the last couple of weeks be a crush? Did I like him? Surely not. He had been awful to me for years, making sure he ruined every trip home to see my family and friends, always making jabs at my expense.

But these last few weeks had been a blast with him. And not comparative to how he was before – it was just in general. I don't think anyone had ever made me laugh as hard as he did. And he had such a nice smile, and kind eyes, and his back and arms looked so good since he started his job as a mechanic –

I shook my head. God, I was losing it.

I applied my lipstick to my lips – a dark pink that flattered my skin tone – and studied myself in the mirror. I was wearing one of my favorite outfits, one that always made me feel confident. I tucked the light blue blouse into my floral skirt and twirled in front of the mirror. I wondered if Eddie would like it.

I blinked hard, shocked by that stray thought. I groaned and fell back on my bed.

There was no way that Eddie would even like me back. I had been awful to him for years, and almost made it a sport to insult him whenever he tortured me. A couple of weeks of getting along wouldn't make up for that.

There was a quiet knock at the door, and I sat up. I watched my door.

"Bird?" Eddie called out.

My heart started racing, and I wanted to hit myself. This was so dumb. I was so dumb. I got off my bed and went to the door. I took in a deep breath, trying to calm down. I opened the door and smiled brightly. His eyes widened, and he took me in for a beat. I felt my face flush and cleared my throat.

"What's up?" I asked. He blinked hard and looked at me, smiling softly.

"You look great, Birdie," he complimented quietly. My blush worsened, and I tucked one of my curls behind my ear.

"Thanks," I replied. We sat in a heavy silence, and Eddie scratched the back of his head.

"Um, Steve's here," he finally said. I felt my heart drop – was I disappointed? He smiled sadly. "For your date."

"It's just dinner," I insisted, wanting to play it down, especially to him. His smile grew a bit.

"Come on, Bird – you've like him for a while, right? You should be excited," he retorted.

I should be excited. I should be twirling around the house and wondering if Steve was going to kiss me at the end of the date. But I wasn't. I wanted dinner to be over, and to be at the Hideout, drinking gin and tonics with Eddie. I wanted him to lean into my shoulder and smile his kind smile at me.

"You're going to the bar later, right?" I asked, walking past him. He followed me.

"Definitely," he answered. I smiled at him and grabbed my small bag from a credenza my mom kept in the hallway.

"Maybe you try gin again tonight?" I teased. He smiled.

"Only for you, Bird," he answered, making my chest tighten.

We got to the living room, and Steve stood from the couch. He grinned at me and ran his hand through his hair. I smiled back at him.

"God, Dovey, you look fantastic," Steve complimented emphatically. His compliment did not make me feel the same way as Eddie's did. I nodded.