The moment Cynthia opened her eyes to welcome the sunlight into her retinas, she could feel a weird knot self form inside of her stomach, creating a giant lump in her gut, twisting and turning around uncomfortably. Anxiety. She was sure it was, she could feel it targeting her body even if it had been a thousand meters away.
But she couldn't understand why. Last night had been wonderful, practically everything she could ever wish for, but there was that nagging feeling that lingered in the air whenever her happiness reached it's peak and accidentally spilled over the edge, it always meant something unpleasant would take place. Something was wrong- clearly wrong.
She wished to stay in bed just a little while longer because if she couldn't face the reality of whatever had been wrong then she couldn't be scared, she couldn't be anxious or on the edge of her nerves, she couldn't feel the way bile rose up her throat and tears brimmed her eyes, no, she couldn't. But she was never patient, it was a habit she had had since childhood. She never found herself able to wait, to handle the pressure, to move slowly, so she reached her hand out to her nightstand and let her fingers wrap around her cool phone.
The moment the device was off of the surface, it was connected to the internet and suddenly, the calm silence of the morning turned into a thunder of vibrations, numerous notifications accompanied by various missed calls she failed to answer because she hated having the volume of her phone loud or anything but silent. She immediately gulped, her hands were slowly starting to sting with a chill, but still, she pushed through. Truly, she still wasn't used to the amount of notifications she had to wake up to each and every morning, very foreign to the feeling of...fame? although she had been silently subjected to it for years. But that day, that morning, the notifications and messages seemed to double over and Kai was calling again, trying to reach the producer after five missed calls.
Nervous, Cynthia declined, letting her shaky fingers tap against her phone screen over and over again, trying to find the source of hassle, the reason to why Kai was calling yet again and her phone almost blowing up with posts shouting for her attention.
...
And, there it was...
World wide artist and producer Cynthia Rose, widely known as Rosalie, supposedly seen with artist Jade Levine by the river at 2:30 AM! Is it real?!
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And three pictures of them kissing in Jade's car.
She paused.
And she breathed.
And she accepted Kai's eighth call.
"Cynthia?"
...
"Cynthia...honey, please."
A sob, and then another, and another. Cynthia couldn't hold back the tears that immediately surfaced her eyes, shaky hands staring at her phone screen that littered with her tears. When panicked, Cynthia knew nothing but to cry and at the rate her heart was racing and her tears were blotching the screen displaying her manager's name, she was sure she was full on panicking.
What did that mean? What did her fucked up career mean anymore? What was she to do? Could she lie and pretend? Could she hide again in the shadows? But then again, her identity was no longer a secret left to guess but a known character to the public. She could barely even handle the pressure pushed down onto her the moment she was formally introduced as Cynthia Rose, so how could she even be expected to handle something so huge? so different and so...terrifying.
"Cynthia, open your door, yeah? I am outside," she could hear a sigh from the other end of the line. "Let's talk it out, alright?" he spoke gently, softly almost, attempting to soothe the panicked state Cynthia was in, trying to force her out of that headspace he knew Cynthia was struggling to leave for months on end. Kai knew Jade was the only person that managed to pull Cynthia right out of that mental state, careful enough to allow her an escape with just a few bruises, but Kai wasn't Jade, and Cynthia was yet again alone in the darkness fighting for a light.
It took a couple of long seconds for Cynthia to actually move from her spot, let alone stumble to her door, eyes blurry and fingers freezing cold, yet the second she unlocked her door and saw Kai standing there with his phone against his ear, her tears knew no halt and she immediately sunk into her manager's arms. She could hear her own silent cries through Kai's phone before the manager immediately hung up and wrapped his arms around the producer with a tiny breath of air leaving his lips, engulfing her in nothing but the warmth seeping from his larger body.
"What do I do?" Cynthia mumbled through tears, her body moving along with Kai's that carefully pushed them back into the safety of the producer's beloved apartment, somewhat lifting her off her feet for the mere moment so that only her toes could feel the cool ground. "What happens now?" her eyes quickly attach to the white shirt her cheek pressed against, lips quivering and eyebrows pushed together.
"I don't know, Cynthia," Kai breathed out, "I know nothing at all," and he slowly ran his hand up and down her back.
"For all I know, the company's still figuring out how to handle the situation properly-" Kai tried to speak but Cynthia immediately pressed off of his chest to look him in the eyes, his hands tightly around her arms, holding her in place the same way Jade held her the day she couldn't breathe at her first ever performance four months ago.
"What about Jade?" She cut him off quietly, eyes chasing Kai's when he couldn't look back at her, begging, pleading- hoping the other would tell her something that could at least put her heart at ease for a moment. "What about you?" She sniffled.
"...Jade's company didn't announce anything yet."
"What about you?"
"This is not about me."
"They cut off from your paycheck when I disappeared during the award's show," Cynthia interrupted, breath in her throat and eyes blurry, hands tight around Kai's forearm, holding him. She never wanted to mention it in the first place, the guilt still eating at her sides but she couldn't possibly stay silent about it anymore.
"...Cynthia-"
"What did they do to you?"
"...Listen-" Kai sighed out, letting his dark eyes fall shut for a moment before they reopened slowly, a bite to his lip and, "Company or not, I'm still by your side no matter what."
"Kai- I-" and she broke down once more, hands moving up to comb her hair to the back, clenching onto her hair strands tightly. If she could describe how she felt at that moment, Cynthia would say there would be no word other than selfish that could label her because Kai warned her several times, told her to be careful where she went with Jade, especially since it hadn't been long since she was public, too loving to ever tell her she couldn't see the singer yet the only thing she could repay him with was getting him fired out of the job he fought so hard to get and prove he was suitable for. "I am so sorry...this is all my fault."
"No, no, it's not your fault, okay?" the other was quick to intervene, hands driving upwards to latch onto Cynthia's to pull them down gently, freeing the producer's locks from the suffocation they had been subjected to, "You are an adult, you should have the freedom to do whatever you desire and in no way am I going to chain you down because not only are you an artist I am responsible for, but you're also my friend and a human and that's above all," he squeezed Cynthia's hands carefully, his eyes wide and genuine, speaking of the truth and the truth only.
"Suppressing you from the only thing keeping you going would only break you even more, Cynthia...and I couldn't risk that."
Cynthia could remember being silenced that morning, a hiccup in her throat and an arrow in her heart, numb fingers only managing a few sentences down.
Jade
Mon, 1 Oct
I am so sorry
I am so fucking sorry
I shouldn't have ever suggested we go there in the first place
Delivered 11:34 AM
Jade, I never meant for this to happen
delivered 11:35 AM
Jade
Please reply
Are you okay?
Did the company say anything to you?
Delivered 11:39 AM
Please tell me you're fine
Answer your phone
Or
You don't have to
Just text me back when you can
Delivered 11:40 AM
Please
Delivered 11:41 AM
YOU ARE READING
But There's More To You
Fiksi UmumStripped from her comfort and privacy as a faceless artist, global producer, Rosalie, now known as Cynthia Rose finds it hard to pick a path to follow. She could either quit and give up her dream, driven by her anxiety, or pursue her career as a wor...
