But There's More To You

9 | Look up Luna, they're calling for you

Scared.

Cynthia would be lying if she said she wasn't absolutely fucking terrified. She was fully dressed up in her performance outfit, clad in clothes that were more expensive than she could ever admit but no matter how luxurious every single piece on her body had been, absolutely glorifying her, she still felt that anxious feeling in her chest.

Yes, she popped her so called bubble only a few nights ago, but that hadn't meant that she wasn't allowed to feel afraid of the thousands of people that especially paid just to see her perform and listen to her self produced music, music she had spent hours humming all by herself, creating out of thin air, loving with every part of her body and soul because if everything fell apart, she at least knew there had been something she was good at. Something she was worth.

So, she took a deep breath in before glancing towards the a backstage staff member who gave her a small nod and she was abruptly rising onto the stage from her platform.

At first, she could hear nothing, ears deaf to the sounds around her but the moment she parted her eyes to look around, the sounds of the crowd immediately flooded her ears like a hurricane, loud screams and shouts, all calling out her name. And her eyes widened, her heart in her throat because past the earpieces, she could hear them chanting one thing, one single thing, and it had been her name, her real name, not Rosalie that was the creator of all the songs they religiously had on replay, the songs that were streamed for longer than Rosalie spent time creating them, the songs she heard in local coffee shops when she used to go out without a scarf or hat to cover her features, they were calling for Cynthia Rose.

And...she wasn't upset, in fact she felt noticed, she felt real, like that fine line between Rosalie and Cynthia Rose had been scrubbed right off, no longer separating the two personas from each other but rather colliding their worlds with one another to create something, anything...and for once, Cynthia could feel, she could feel the anxiety dissipate into thin air the louder the voices got, and the brighter her smile had expanded. Cynthia could feel, she could feel just like she felt sadness, just like she felt anxiety, just like she felt love and the way it wavered around her.

She was sure her performance wasn't the greatest, but she felt good enough about it because when she was standing atop of that stage thousands of other artists performed on before her, she could feel the heat, the energy, and the absolute possession over the stage, over it's rough floors that went through hell and back yet still stood their ground for the many future artists wishing to step a foot atop of them. She could feel in control unlike the first time she ever let the world hear her voice live, but it wasn't the type of control that made her throat ache and her heart drop, it was the control that made adrenaline rush through her veins relentlessly, the control that gave her a glimpse of reality.

She felt gentle, yes, with slightly rough edges but Cynthia was absolutely gentle, she was capable, aware of her body and how high her notes were, aware of the heat against her skin, aware of the thousands of phones out and in the air, moving along with her body. She felt the same feeling she did the nights she lay in Jade's backseat past midnight, the same gentle softness- and there was nothing wrong with being soft, being delicate, there wasn't at all and she had nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing at all.

So although she absolutely spilt her heart out while performing her entire album for the first time ever, it didn't feel like forever, in fact, during her last song when everyone's flashlights were on and her guitar was pressed against her thigh as she sat down on a tiny stool in the middle of the huge stage, it felt so short she wanted to pause the time right then and there, to capture the moment happening before her eyes to be able to replay it over and over again, to feel it's feelings and emotions because despite how hard life had been on her for months on end, that certain moment where she was able to hear everyone's voices along with her singing gently, swaying in the crowds, it was able to light the fire in her heart, to give her a reason to continue and for the honest moment, she felt just a tiny bit thankful for that trainee.

"Thank you for sticking with me through it all and joining me today, it means the world- no, the universe with all its stars to me...I seriously couldn't be thankful enough...get home safely and I hope everyone has a goodnight."