My Heart's Been Borrowed

Chapter 5: Death by a Thousand Cuts

A/N: Last chapter without Emily!

Once JJ and Morgan have both processed the initial shock of the news, JJ turns to him, a tear sliding down her cheek. "Is it my fault?"

"Is what your fault?"

"Elle getting shot."

Derek slams on the breaks, stopping the car for the second time in ten minutes. "JJ look at me." He waits until she does before continuing. "Why would this be your fault?"

"Because I did a press conference. I did the one thing the unsub said not to do. And now she might fucking die because of it." JJ's panic is taking over again, and Morgan reaches across the console to tug her into his chest.

"Baby, this was in no way your fault. The conference was not your call. It is not your fault." He presses his lips to her forehead gently. They stay like that until JJ can breathe again and her chest isn't aching quite as badly. "You ready to catch this son of a bitch?"

"Yes."

"Then let's go."

They get through the interview with the victim's family by sheer force of will. Thankfully, both Morgan and JJ have been in the BAU long enough to go into autopilot when they have trouble compartmentalizing their own emotions.

When they get back on the road, they don't speak other than to discuss the case. They're hanging on by a thread, and they both know it. Derek drums his fingers against the steering wheel constantly, and JJ twirls her hair around her finger, a nervous habit she's had since she was a child.

"She has to be okay," JJ murmurs after nearly an hour of silence.

"She's a fighter. She will be."

"But what if she isn't, Derek?"

"Then things are going to suck for a really long time." The truth in his words rings through her, but she shoves it down, trying not to think about it any further.

When they get back to Quantico, things are moving quickly. Thanks to Reid's mom, they have an address. Most of the team rushes to save the victim, but JJ is stuck at the office. Normally, she doesn't mind it, but right now, she just needs something to do, something to occupy her mind so she doesn't think about Elle for more than a few seconds at a time. Before they left, she asked if she could go to the hospital to wait for Elle to come out of surgery, but Hotch insisted that she wait until they apprehended the unsub.

"JJ?" Penelope asks as JJ paces around her office for the tenth time.

"What?" JJ asks, still distracted by her thoughts.

"I know you're worried about Elle, but you're not usually like this under pressure."

"How can I not be? I'm stuck here, pacing around like a caged animal while Elle could be bleeding out in a hospital. Am I supposed to be doing something else?" She stops suddenly when she sees her friend's face. "I'm sorry, Pen. I'm just anxious."

"Sure. I understand." Based on the look on her best friend's face, she probably knows a lot more than what JJ told her.

After what feels like forever, Hotch sends her a message that the unsub killed himself and the team was heading back. A couple minutes later, JJ's phone rings, the number for one of the local hospitals flashing across the screen. She picks it up immediately. "Is this Agent Jareau?" a tired voice asks from the other end of the line.

"Yes."

"This is Doctor Meeks. I wanted to let your team know that Agent Elle Greenaway has made it out of surgery. She's going to be just fine. She can have visitors in a couple hours."