Curses and Blessings

Chapter Bless Your Heart: The Best Way to Overcome Fear is to Fight Fear Itself

Mrs. Susie's eyes widen. She looks frozen in time.

Maise slips off Monkey and lands with a plop in the ring. She quickly backs away.

Monkey stands there like he doesn't care. He flicks horseflies off his tail and stomps his hooves.

I approach him and grab his reins. "Monkey!"

Maise escapes the fray by climbing over the fence. Just like Mrs. Susie, she seems to freeze. This is not her battle or Mrs. Susie's. It's mine and Monkey's.

"Maise, may I borrow your helmet?" I ask the little girl.

"But, Miss Stella—"

"Please. I need to do this. We can't have Monkey acting out."

There is a moment of silence between my student and me, but Maise complies. She unhooks her helmet and offers it to me.

I take it—"Thank you"—and put it on my head. It's a little small but the best thing I've got. I'm just going to get Monkey cantering and nothing else. The helmet squeezes my temples, but I hook it up anyway. This is so scary. My breathing intensifies, but I calm myself by counting to ten.

Okay, left foot in the left stirrup. Got it. The steel plate pinches my foot, but I carefully slide it through. Okay, now the left hand is on the saddle's front, and the right is on the back. Nice.

This is it. There's no turning back. I bounce off my right foot and hoist myself on Monkey's back.

I'm soaked in sweat. I can hardly breathe.

Beside me, Maise climbs the ring's rail. There is a look of pure wonder on her face. She ignores that she's now got a few splinters in her fingers.

My heart pounds in my chest as I slouch over Monkey's withers. Deep breaths, deep breaths, deep breaths. Okay, here goes nothing. I gently squeeze Monkey's sides.

He picks up his front hooves, then his back, and begins to walk. The dust in the ring wraps around his black socks, but he couldn't care less about his appearance. He wants to keep me safe.

My eyes catch a few horses standing against the gate in the pasture. Oh, great, I have a whole audience watching me.

I look around the ring at the obstacle course: four outside jumps, two on each side of the ring, parallel to each other.

The longer I stay on Monkey, gradually, my fear recedes. My gut feeling escapes my heart, and I smile. I pass Mrs. Susie, and she cheers.

"You're doing it, Stella!"

I am. I can't believe it. I'm back on a horse after six months. I give Monkey my heel, and he picks up his trot. I push myself to sit up straight in the saddle, and my eyes land on his outside shoulder. It moves forward as I sit up and back when I come down. My diagonal is correct. Not only that, but my long-lost love for horses—I've found it!

I urge Monkey to a canter. He knows I am the instructor, so he immediately listens to me. His front and back feet are in perfect sync with one another. A horse's canter is a skip, so I must check my lead. The lead is another form of a diagonal. It's wrong, so I pull back on the reins.

Monkey returns to a trot, but I immediately get him cantering again. There we go. That's better.

Maise jogs around the outside of the ring with me. Likewise, the horses in the pasture trot and canter in circles.

Mrs. Susie grins fiercely. I'm scared her face is going to melt.

I come off the railing and canter toward the first line of jumps. Just seeing the first one, my fear returns, and I come to a screeching halt.

Monkey's hooves tap the poles, and he turns his neck to look at me.

"You can do it, Stella," I hear Mrs. Susie and Maise say.

You know what? They're right. I gently tug the reins and pull Monkey back over to the rail. He picks up his canter. We try again, and... and... I do it! I get in my two-point and sail over the jump.

"Yes!" Mrs. Susie yells.

Monkey's feet touch the dirt, and he heads for the next jump.

I stay in two-point. This one is a success, too. Monkey's jump is not too big and not too small. It's just right. Oh, my gosh. I forgot how much fun horseback riding is.

Except Monkey pranks me on the last set of jumps—the goofy thing. He stops right behind the first one and glances at it. Picking up his feet, he merely walks over it. The poles crash to the ground behind us. He gives me a Cowboy Massage. That's when a horse shakes like a dog.

My eyes knock together, and I slip right off his back. We're in between the first and second jumps. I land face-first in the dirt, but it's strange. I'm not scared. I'm—I can't believe I'm saying this—happy.

Mrs. Susie is frightened, though. "Stella!" Pounding feet tells me she and Maise are hurrying to where I fell.

I turn onto my back, arms stretched wide, and laugh.

Mrs. Susie, Maise, and Monkey hover over me like vultures.

Mrs. Susie grins. "I knew you still had it in you, girl."

Honestly, so did I.