All That's Left

Chapter 23 | Vania

Present 

2023

Seventeen years old

I pulled up to the Lowe's house, my hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. It used to be so easy, driving here every morning to pick up Aspen and Kian. We'd chat, laugh and sometimes even sing along to the radio on our way to school. But now, things were different. The easy camaraderie we once shared was replaced with an awkward silence, thick and stifling. 

I took a breath, stealing myself for the encounter. The Lowe's house loomed in front of me like an unwelcome reminder of what I walked away from. 

When I pulled into their driveway, Aspen and Kian walked out of the house. They climbed into the back seat of the car somewhat reluctantly, and we exchanged brief hello's to each other. I didn't know if they were angry at me for what I did, but I didn't ask either. I already felt awful, I really did not want to add to that feeling. 

I was about to reverse, when I noticed Uncle Elly standing at the front door. 

He was waving me over.

I tried to mentally prepare myself for the confrontation I was sure to follow as I climbed out of the car, but when Uncle Elly invited me inside the house, I knew there was no way I could explain my actions to him unless I told him the truth.

Inside, the familiar warmth of the Lowe's home felt almost suffocating. Memories of happier times flooded back, making the current tension even more unbearable. Uncle Elly led me into the living room and gestured for me to sit down.

"Look," he began, his tone gentle but serious. "I know things between you and Dorian has been a bit complicated lately, but I'm not going to talk to you about that. I know you two are both mature adults who can figure things out for yourselves."

When I didn't comment on what he said, he continued.

"Have you heard from Paisley at all since you came back?"

My heart skipped a beat at the mention of my sister. I missed her, veen though she didn't want me around anymore.

"No," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "She wasn't answering my calls. So I stopped calling."

Uncle Elly sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I went to see her yesterday."

I froze, my mind reeling. Paisley had made it crystal clear that she wanted nothing to do with anyone of us in this town. 

"Why?"I managed to ask, my voice trembling. 

He hesitated, his eyes filled with a mix of concern and something else I couldn't quite place. "I wanted to check on her, see how she was doing."

"And how is she?" I ask, even though I didn't really want to know. I loved my sister, but I knew the way she treated me was not fair. 

"She's doing good," Uncle Elly says, watching me closely. "She got a promotion at her job, and she's been seeing this guy, Alex, I think his name was."

I nodded, pressing my lips tightly together as I tried to fight the tears that were welling up in my eyes. "That's great for her."

Uncle Elly leaned forward, his expression softening. "Vania, she didn't say anything bad about you. She's still processing what happened with Brennan. She just needs time."

I shook my head, feeling the tears begin to spill over. "No, she doesn't. She's not going to call me one day telling me I can go back to live with her, Uncle Elly. She hates me. Ever since I was born, she has hated me for simply being alive, because I got to be here and our mother didn't."

"That's not true, Vania," Uncle Elly insisted, his voice gentle but firm. He knew damn well it was true. The moment Dorian had learned about Paisley blaming me for our mother's death, he went to tell his father. 

"I don't know what therapist tricks you're trying to pull on me, Uncle Elly, but just stop, please." 

I couldn't take it anymore. The weight of everything was becoming to much to bear. "I can't," I said, my voice breaking as I got to my feet. "I can't do this."

Before he could say anything else, I turned and fled the room. I didn't want to hear any more. It felt like I was losing everyone I cared about, and there was nothing good I could do to stop it. 

I got into the car, my hands shaking as I gripped the steering wheel. Tears blurred my vision, but I forced myself to drive, needing to get away from the Lowe's house, from the painful reminders of what I'd lost. I took a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves as I drove Kian and Aspen to school.

"Enjoy your day, guys," I said, forcing a smile onto my face as I glanced back at the two siblings. They hesitated before climbing out of the car, heading into the schoolyard side by side. 

I sat there for a moment, trying to steady my breathing. The conversation with Uncle Elly had stirred up more emotions that I had anticipated, and the weight of it all was getting to me. 

I started the car and drove towards the edge of town. I hadn't been back here in two years, not since dad's funeral. The thought of returning to this place had always filled me with dread, but today, something compelled me to go. Maybe it was because I was feeling morbid, or perhaps it was simply a desire to feel closer to my dad again. Whatever the reason, I found myself navigating the winding road that led to the cemetery.

The iron gates loomed ahead, their rusted hinges creaking in the breeze. I parked the car just outside and took a deep breath before stepping out. The gravel crunched under my feet as I made my way through the rows of headstones, each one a silent reminder of the lives that had come and gone.

As I approached Dad's grave, my heart felt heavy with grief. The memories of his funeral flooded back, the pain of losing him still as sharp as it was the day I watched him die. I knelt down, tracing my fingers over the engraved letters of his name.

"Dad," I choked out, my voice breaking. "I miss you so much."

The wind rustled the leaves that had fallen from the nearby tress, a soft, mournful sound that seemed to echo my own sorrow. I sat there for a long time, lost in my thoughts, feeling the weight of my emotions pressing down on me.

"I don't know what to do," I admitted, my voice barely audible. "Everything's falling apart again, and I don't know how to fix it."

Tears welled up in my eyes, spilling over and running down my cheeks. I wiped them away, feelings a sense of helplessness that I hadn't allowed myself to feel in a long time. 

"I wish you were here," I continued, my voice trembling. "You always knew what to do, and I feel so lost without you."

As I sat there, I thought about Paisley and how much I missed her, despite everything she had said to me. She was still my sister, and I  longed for those days were we somewhat got along with one another.

I thought about Dorian, and the wedge that had grown between us. 

I knew I couldn't change things, especially not with Eliana's threat still hanging in the air. And even though that thought send a new wave of sadness through me, I knew I had to try and move on from things.

Dorian would always have the biggest space in my heart, and he would always be my best friend, but I needed to try and be okay without him. To be happy that he was still here, even though I couldn't be in his life.

Dad would want me to try.