All That's Left

Chapter 36 | Vania

I heard the door creak before I could even think about moving. I didn't have the energy or motivation to do anything but lie there. My thoughts felt like they were drowning me—like a wave crashing over me, pulling me deeper under the surface. The bottle of pills lay next to me, the pills spilled across the floor like scattered regrets.

But I hadn't taken any of them.

I couldn't bring myself to do it, no matter how much I had wanted to stop feeling. The weight of everything, of Lucas, of almost losing Dorian—it was too much. But something in me couldn't go through with hit. I couldn't push myself to that point, not really. 

I heard the footsteps before I saw him, and my heart clenched in my chest. Dorian. His voice echoed in the cabin, calling my name, panicked. 

"Vania!" His voice cracked as he dropped to his knees beside me, pulling me up into his arms with a desperation that matched the wild look in his eyes. I could feel the tension in his body, the fear in the way his arms gripped me as though I might disappear if he didn't hold on tight enough.

"Vania," he breathed again, softer this time, brushing the hair from my face as he looked down at me. His eyes searched mine, relief flooding through him when he realized I was conscious. "Oh, thank God."

I blinked back tears, barely able to speak as my breath hitched in my chest. "I didn't...I didn't take them. "

Dorian's face softened, but I could still see the worry etched deep in his expression. "It's okay," he whispered, pulling me closer, his hand cradling the back of my head as I leaned against his chest. "It's going to be okay."

The dam inside me broke, and the tears came. "I'm sorry," I sobbed, clutching at his shirt as I pressed my face into his shoulder. "I'm so sorry. I just didn't want to feel the pain anymore. I didn't want to hurt anyone anymore."

He held me as I cried, his warmth wrapping around me like a shield, protecting me from the storm raging inside. "You won't hurt anyone, Van, and you can't hurt me, so I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere."

I pulled back just enough to look at him, my vision blurred with tears. "I don't deserve you after everything I've put you through."

Dorian's eyes softened even more, and he cupped my face gently, wiping away the tears that had streaked down my cheeks. "You deserve everything. I'll spend the rest of my life proving that to you if that's what it takes."

I leaned into his touch, my heart aching. "I'm so sorry."

"I know," he whispered. "I know."

After a while, Dorian shifted slightly, his thumb brushing along my cheek. "Why don't you go take a shower. I'll make us something to eat."

I nodded, wiping my eyes as I slowly pulled myself to my feet. He helped steady me, his hand lingering on mine before I stepped toward the bathroom. The warmth of his touch still clung to me as I closed the door behind me and turned on the water, letting it run until the steam filled the small space.

Under the spray, I stood for a long time, letting the hot water cascade over me, washing away the remnant of the tears and the weight of everything I had been carrying.

Lucas was dead. Dorian was okay.

But no matter how much I scrubbed, I couldn't rid myself of the guilt that clung to me. Dorian had almost died because of me—because of Lucas. It didn't matter that he kept telling me it wasn't my fault; the blame was still there, festering in the back of my mind.

I had to make up for it. Somehow, I had to make it right.  

I wasn't sure how I was going to do it, but I had time to figure it out.

When I finally stepped out of the shower, I felt lighter, but the burden in my chest reamined. Wrapping myself in a towel, I caught my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were still red and swollen, my face pale, but I looked...alive. I was still there.

I dressed quickly and found Dorian in the kitchen, fiddling with something on the counter. The moment I saw him, the rush of emotions came flooding back, stronger than before. Without thinking, I crossed the room and grabbed him by the arm, turning him toward me. I pulled him down into a kiss, desperate and full of everything I couldn't put into words.

"I'm sorry," I murmured against his lips. "For everything. For what I've put you through...for almost getting you killed because of Lucas."

"Vania," he whispered, breaking the kiss just long enough to look me in the eyes, "it wasn't your fault."

I was going to protest further, but Dorian kissed me again, deeper this time, silencing my words.

━━━━━━ ❖ ━━━━━━

The morning light filtered through the curtains, casting a soft glow across the cabin. I blinked awake slowly, the weight of the past few days still lingering in my mind, but there was a warmth that surrounded me—a steady, comforting prescenese. Dorian's arms were wrapped securely around me, his chest rising and falling gently with each breath. I lay still for a moment, listening to the rhythm of his breathing, letting it ground me. It was so quiet here, in this little cabin tucked away from the world, as if nothing could touch us.

I turned my head slightly to glance out the window, and that's when I saw it—snow. Soft, delicate flakes drifting down from the sky, coating the earth in a blanket of white. The snow seemed to shimmer in the early morning light, so peaceful, so pure, as if the world itself was offering a clean slate, a chance to start again.

Carefully, I slipped out of Dorian's arms, not wanting to disturb him. He stirred briefly, murmuring something under his breath, but didn't wake up. I smiled softly, pulling the blanket higher over him before stepping out of bed. The cold air hit me as soon as my feet touched the floor, but I didn't mind. It felt refreshing, almost like a reminder that I was still there—that I had made it through everything.

I made my way to the door, not bothering to put on shoes, and stepped outside. The cold snow instantly numbed my bare feet, but I welcomed it, standing there in silence, feeling the chill seep through me. I looked up at the sky, letting the snowflakes fall on my face, cool and soft against my skin. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, and for the first time in what felt like forever, I felt...calm. Alive.

The world had been spinning out of control for so long, and now, standing here in the snow, I felt like I had found a moment of stillness. I wasn't completely healed, I knew that, but I was alive. I was still standing. And that meant something.

"I'll get better," I whispered to the sky, my breath visible in the cold air. "I promise, Dad. I'll get better. I'll find a way back to the person I was...at least somewhat."

I wasn't naïve enough to think I'd ever be the same person I had been before Lucas, before the chaos and the pain. But I could be better than the person I had been the last two years—the one drowning in guilt and sorrow. I owed that to my Dad. I owed that to myself. And Dorian. 

I stood there, lost in my thoughts, when I heard the soft crunch of footsteps behind me. I felt Dorian's arms wrapping around my shoulders, pulling me into his chest. He was wearing one of his hoodies, the fabric soft and warm as he draped it over me to shield me from the cold. I leaned back into him, a small smile tugging at my lips.

"Morning," he murmured, his breath warm against my ear.

"Morning," I whispered back, not wanting to disturb the peacefulness of the snow-covered landscape. 

I turned in Dorian's arms, looking up at him, and without saying a word, I leaned in and kissed him softly. It wasn't the desperate, fractic kiss from the night before. This one was slow, gentle—filled with the quiet promises of the future, of healing, of finding our way through this mess together. 

Dorian's hand came up to wrap around the nape of neck, pulling me in just a little closer as he kissed me back. 

Lucas was dead. Eliana had been arrested. And there wa no one left who could come between us anymore. The chaos and the pain that had shadowed us for so long had finally come to an end.

All that was left was...us.

I smiled at the thought, the weight of it settling into my chest. "All that's left is us," I whispered, my voice barely audible as the snow continued to fall around us.