Flames of Ashes

Chapter Thirteen. Worse.

"Misery and pain were siblings. My siblings."~Xarian-Jarda.

***
For years it lurked in my mind that the gods used me as a source of entertainment. In the past, I shrugged it off but now looking back at all the events that took place since I came into this world, the feeling only grew stronger.

Even in my dreams, peace seemed so far away from me. Punishment, always being punished, and sometimes my heart concured that I deserved it.

"Maze, Did you see him? He was so handsome and his eyes," Little Xarian said dreamingly as she twirled a stray vine on a tree. "Oh his eyes, Maze! It is unlike anything I have ever seen!"
Familiarity etched unto my face as 5-year-old Xarian and Maze walked in front and Arthur and Drake trailed behind them, talking about something boys their age discussed.

My cheeks were bigger than before and they continued to become bigger as I smiled and ranted on about the nine-year-old boy I encountered with my brother. My face was rounder, contrasting Maze's oval face. My eyes were a mixture of brown and gold at this time and Maze's as green as the fodder.

Maze pulled her hair in two braids wearing the exact clothes I wore on Flame Day, while I wore a tunic embroidered with rubies, pants like Arthur and Drake, and my hair cascading down my back in its natural and luscious curls. Tiny little children with cute faces rivaled only by their mischievous natures.

"Xaria, you know Arthwur doesn't like thwose pweople from Pwesidith!"
"Perisdia, Maze. But his eyes were like the moon, even brighter than the moon and the..." I should have stopped right there, noticed that the excitement that pulsated through my veins made my heart beat faster.
I took a step forward trying to stop the events bound to unravel, only to realize that my feet was stuck to the ground.
"Xarian! Maze! Arthur! Drake!" I yelled but to no avail. They all kept walking at the edge of the lake, unaware, innocent and undeserving.

I begged for someone to get me out of here. I did not want to witness such an atrocity yet I could not shut my eyes. Even my breathing started to rise, my shoulders shaking. What did I do?

The next sequences were memorized in my brain. My eyes flickered and turned red, as I rushed to grab Maze's arms because I was thrilled and her beautiful, guiltless face morphed slowly into pain before tears streamed down her face and her pained scream pierced my heart like a two-edged sword.

"Xari, let go of Maze, you are hurting her!" Five-year-old me blinked, unsure of what to do or what was happening. How could she hurt her sister?
Arthur and Drake pulled Maze aside, inspecting her only to pull up her sleeves to see burn marks while she kept on crying. I hurt her! I made her cry like her sister, Eritrea when I promised to never do that.  I could harm the people I cared about because of what I could do unknowingly, so imagine what I could do if my actions were premeditated. It was that day I decided that I would do more good if I were a healer or a Wyn. They were safe and the people around me would also be safe.

"It hwurts! Arthwur it hwurts!" Arthur led her away from us taking her to a healer, while Drake turned to me. I still had not processed what happened at all.

"What have you done?" The accusation in his made my heart tighten then and even now.
"I-" I moved closer to touch him but instinctively, he evaded me.
"Drake" I croaked, my eyes stung but like always, nothing came out only my remorse and pain swirled in them.
***
I woke up with a start, breath ragged. Sweat clung to my body. The heat made me unable to breathe properly, and my heart kept pounding like war drums.
Deep breaths, Xarian. Breathe in. Breathe out. I complied and my breath slowly started to become even.

They did not know what dangers were hidden beneath my skin. They had no clue that my skin crawled with untamed fire, ready to burn at any moment. If I learned more in this place, Eldor could not even imagine what wrath I could unleash. I clung to the sheets of my bed so tight that my knuckles turned white.