Flames of Ashes

Chapter Fifteen. Fear.

"Fear is a shadow that grows only when you turn your back to it."~Athika.

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I made sure no one saw me when I left Zarir's building. His Keep was only for officials. When I reached the fields, I spotted obsidian eyes staring at me with a wide grin
"There she is! My strong Jarda!"
"I did not win the match, I was beaten or did the injury wipe your memory?" I gestured at the bump on her forehead.
"Just a little sacrifice to stop Tamsin from murdering Jared, which doesn't seem as bad an idea as before." We had started walking and I noticed she walked slowly. Celia walked as fast as I could read. She was doing it to match my limping pace.

"It was a lucky thing that Crowned Prince Zarir, the dragon's bane was passing by and carried you away because no one was stopping Eritrea." The reverence in her voice for him was evident.
"Crowned Prince Zarir? You have never called Arthur a prince before." I mused, studying the side of her face that had become thinner and sharper. This place did have that effect on people.

"Because he was never my prince, and you also don't call him prince."
"Hush!" My eyes darted across the fields as people passed by us. "What you said is outright treason, and you could be beheaded." What Arthur and I had was different, special.
"Then so be it. Look, Xarian, I like you, a lot which is surprising given that you are a noble and all but you were born in wealth and no nothing about what we went through." Her gaze was distant, and her voice hard. The coat she was wearing had faded and it only reached her to the knees and in this weather, it did nothing to protect her. She had outgrown it, so why had she not bought a new one?

"I thought you said you lived a comfortable life?"
"I did but that was after Prince Zarir helped our king to restore some balance to the kingdom after the raid. He opened new Wynhouses and allowed us to be educated, even though he wasn't the ruler."
"I did not know," I said softly.
"It's not your fault anyways and what's done is done," Celia tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. Her hair was still curly but she had cut it to reach her neck. Maybe I would also cut my hair.

"Where is Tamsin?"
"At the lakeside. He's in a foul mood or something and probably blames himself for what happened to you."
"Celia," I called out. "For what it is worth, Arthur would have done everything in his power to help." I know he would. That was the Arthur I grew up with and loved. She said nothing and I walked away to find Tamsin.

The snow made it harder to walk, reminding me of my injury.

I saw him sitting at the edge of the lake with his legs folded to his chest, looking ahead in only his uniform.
"You will catch a cold if you stay out here for too long," I reminded him as I sat beside him.
"What are you doing here? You shouldn't walk too much because of your knee." He did not even glance at me as he spoke.
"I would not have to but I came to look for you. You know, what happened was not your fault."

Our reflections danced in the water. Just like me, he had not cut his red hair short, our faces were sunken but his face was paler, and bags surrounded his eyes. The stress of this place was getting to him.

"That's just one of the things that plague my mind."
"What are the others? You can tell me anything" I placed my hand on his thigh.
"I know." But he said nothing else and we sat there in a comfortable silence, the warmth of his body keeping me warm.

"Do you know what death feels like, Xar?" His question caught me off guard. Tamsin was never this serious unless he was talking about dragons, but I decided to play along. Why was he asking about this?
"I do. People think that death is like the wind in winter and the darkness of the night but it is actually the breeze of the summer and an overwhelming amount of light that blinds you and leaves you staring at the same thing because there is nothing but nothingness."
"And I have no idea what that means." He said and we both chuckled.