Fake It Til You Make It

17

Esmeray woke up Sunday morning feeling relaxed from her day with Valentina. She felt good as she went downstairs to make herself a bowl of cereal.

"Good morning, Daddy," she says to her father as she walks past him sitting at the dining table. He had his head hanging in his palm and he looked stressed looking through the mail. "I should be having a check coming through this week, Dad."

"You shouldn't have to worry about that, Mija." her dad sighs.

Esmeray pulls a bowl out of the kitchen cabinet and a family-size box of cereal.

"Daddy, don't start. I don't mind working, one of us has to. I'm going to start picking up more shifts." Esmeray tells her dad.

"And then what? You're going to college after this summer. What am I going to do if I can't get a job?"

Esmeray grabbed her bowl and sat with her dad at the dining table. "You will, Daddy, you'll get a job. You have to trust me, Dad. Don't think like that, positivity only, Daddy." Esmeray smiles at her father and he manages to sadly smile back. Her father gently kissed her forehead while he went back into his room, leaving the pile of mail on the table.

Esmeray began scrolling on her phone while she ate her cereal. Of course, everyone was posting about Cameron's party. But one post stuck out. Esmeray recognized that the username was the same as the account that posted the video of Ryan and Esmeray going upstairs. This time, they posted a picture of Cameron on some girl in his pool room. So much for Esmeray being the only person he brought down there. Was Cameron being petty, having the party down there? Maybe Esmeray really did hurt him. She lied to him and left him after he shared a vulnerable part of himself with her. Obviously, he was being petty.

Esmeray also saw Ryan in the background of the picture. Ryan at one of Cameron Carter's parties by himself? That didn't even make sense in her head. Esmeray quickly called Cameron.

"What?" Cameron answers with an agitated tone.

"Can we talk?" Esmeray asks, hoping that he will give her a chance and hear her out.

"I'm not going over there."

"You don't have to. I'll be there in 2 hours." Cameron reluctantly agrees and Esmeray hangs up. Her mom walks out of her room, her house slippers sweeping across the floor.

"Good morning, mama," Esmeray smiles. "I want to use the car today."

Her mom looks at her with concern on her face. "For what?"

"I just..." Esmeray pauses. Her mom gives her a comforting look before she continues. "I can't be scared forever. I'm gonna have to get over it, I want to now."

Her mom rests her hand on top of Esmeray's head. "I know you'll be safe, my love."

Esmeray grabbed the keys off the counter with a shaky hand. She hadn't been in the driver's seat of a car for a long time. She took a deep breath as she wrapped her fingers around the wheel. Esmeray never would've thought that the one reason she would get back behind the wheel was to go see Cameron Carter.

Once she heard the engine turn on, her heart began to race. She may not have been in the driver's seat when that car crashed, but someone she loved dearly was. It could've easily been her—it could be her, right now. Esmeray could feel her breath running away from her and she desperately tried to catch it as she slowly started driving.

She didn't make it far from the house before she pulled over, gripping her chest, gasping for air. It felt as though the car was being squeezed together and she had no way out. Her vision became blurry when her eyes filled up with tears. She wanted to get out right there and just not go.

Who cares if he finds someone else? She could find someone else just as easily. But something just felt different. Something was stopping her from getting out of the car. She had to do it, not just for Cameron—but for herself. Esmeray's cousin, Daria, was like the sister Esmeray never had. Valentina was a close second, but it was different when she was with Daria.

They talked about past family gatherings and the crazy stories their uncles told them. They painted each other's nails and did each other's hair because Daria was always so fond of Esmeray's curls. When Daria learned how to drive, she was 16, though she didn't start actually driving on the road until she was 18. She graduated high school and got to spend even more time with Esmeray. They went to the mall, the beach, the nail salon—Daria took them anywhere they wanted to go.

It took a lot of convincing to allow Daria's father to allow her to take them to Florida City for a weekend. He finally caved and the girls didn't waste any time getting on the road. The music blasting from the speakers, the windows rolled down, and their laughs and questionable singing made you want to be in the car with them if you drove past.

The car came out of nowhere. At least, Esmeray didn't see it coming. It rammed right into the driver's side—right into Daria.

Esmeray spent the first year after the accident blaming herself. Maybe she turned the music up too loud? Maybe her loud singing and bad dancing were distracting Daria? She thought of any possible way to explain her cousin's death. All she could chalk it up to was her beautiful, lively older cousin, at the mercy of one dumb, reckless driver.

Esmeray began taking note of her surroundings to calm herself down. The house across the street was painted pink. The neighbor's dog, Lucky was running around the front yard, trying to catch his tail. The kids down the street were playing football. She rolled the window down and was hit with fresh air—it was hot, but it was fresh. She could smell breakfast coming from her mom's friend's house because her windows were always open.

Her heartbeat slowed and she was able to breathe steadily again. She took one more confident deep breath before she was able to drive off.