Not too far away from Pentagram City lay a shady place in the bowels of Hell. "Welcome to Imp City: est. 1981" was posted on a worn wooden sign with a white painted eye toward the top. Under a crimson sky, a wide array of buildings made up the city, some with spikes on the roofs. Downtrodden imps of various colors and sizes mulled around the streets and ghettos. Mugging, sex, drugs, poverty, and murder were common aspects of their everyday afterlives. Indeed, being considered "lesser demons" and the "lowest of the low," not very many had opportunities granted to them.
Well, save for a unique family of imps, trying to get their business running.
Just who were these imps?
A nearby screen showed old fashioned numbers ticking down, 3, 2, and 1. Blitzo, a red and white faced imp, appeared on stage in front of purple open curtains. "Hi there! I'm Blitzo! The "O" is silent, and I'm the founder of I.M.P.!" He put out his hand and the logo appeared above it. The "M" in I.M.P. looked like imp horns, black and white in color. Down below were the words "Immediate Murder Professionals."
Blitzo spoke again. "Are you a piece of shit who got yourself sent to Hell?"
A picture of Blitzo with a mustache and two black top hats over his horns was grinning evilly as a building burned in the background. The sign nearby read "Orphanage for elderly, blind, and newborn dogs."
"Or are you an innocent soul who just happened to get fucked over by someone else?!"
The next image showed Blitzo in a white angel costume, happily throwing away a Styrofoam coffee cup in a wastepaper basket instead of a recycling bin in an office.
In the next shot, Blitzo held up a sign which read "Some guy who hired us!" A buff horned red demon wearing a white Ohio shirt stood not too far from the camera, a 666 News billboard in the background. He punched one fist into his hand.
"After lovingly killing my wife for fucking a delivery man, you can imagine my surprise when I wound down here, after the state of Ohio killed me! I really wish I could stick it to that yappy jogger who saw me hiding the body!"
Blitzo appeared again, this time with his fellow imps Millie and Moxxie in the background. A white-clothed altar with a mirror and skulls on it was in the very back. White candles were spread around the room. The two imps were sitting at a pentagram drawn on the floor. Blitzo held a blue Satanic ritual book in his hand.
"Well, luckily for you, thanks to our company's special access to the living world..."
He waved his hand and a flaming portal appeared in the center of the room, causing Moxxie and Millie to scatter.
"...we can help you take care of your unfinished business by taking out anyone who screwed you over when you were alive!" He happily fell through the portal on his back like it was a mosh pit.
Then the musical jingle started:
"When you want somebody gone
And you don't want to wait too long
Call the Immediate Murder Professionals!"
"Hand grenade or cyanide
We'll make it look like suicide
The Immediate Murder Professionals!"
"We do our job so well
'Cause we come straight up from Hell!"
"We'll kill your husband or you wife
We'll even let you keep the knife,
The Immediate...Murder...Professionals!
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Helluva Boss
FanfictionBlitzo (the "o" is silent) attempts to run a killing company in Hell known as Immediate Murder Professionals (I.M.P.) He is followed by weapons specialist Moxxie, powerhouse Millie and the Hellhound secretary Loona. Thanks to a book obtained by the...