Helluva Boss

Mission: Chupacabras (Short)

A manilla folder was placed on Blitzo's desk yet again. It was by his #1 BOSS BITCH mug, Moxxie and Millie figures in his drawer, and a picture of a startled Blitzo wandering through the woods.

This picture showed a Mexican man wearing a wide-brimmed red sombereo with black stripes and gold bells on it. He had white skin, gray hair, a long black mustache, and a piece of wheat in his mouth. He wore a white shirt with gold skull designs against black on the sides.

"I.M.P. Target: Gerardo Velazquez

Location: Small farm outside Tijuana, Mexico

Description: Middle-aged male, smells strongly of hay and tequila

Info: I don't speak whatever language this guy is yappin' in, but he keeps making a hand motion that makes me think the target must be a real freak."

Back in the human world, a large white crescent moon shone in the night sky upon a farm.

Blitzo grinned as he hopped out of the portal, followed by a grumpy Moxxie and a tumbling Millie. The portal closed behind them. The place was arid with rolling mountains in the background and two barn structures nearby.

Blitzo posed with his hands on his hips. "Alright. Seems like this one's nice and remote. Won't take us too long to..."

Blitzo reeled back. "WHAT THE FU..."

A white goat with horns wandered toward him. A herd of brown and dark gray goats bleated and baahed.

Blitzo pushed a brown goat away on his knees, turning around and facing the white goat. "What the fuck are these things?!"

A little black goat bleated near Moxxie.

"I want to say these are Earth goats, sir," Moxxie stated.

Blitzo grunted as he stood up. "I don't care if they are the 'greatest of all time,' they are In. My. Way!"

He angrily picked up a white goat by the horns who had been gnawing on the lower part of his outfit. He kicked it, which sent the goat spinning and crashing into a white tower. The tower exploded and crashed to the ground. He tossed more goats against the two farmhouses with tin roofs.

The lights flickered on from inside the second house. A Hispanic man opened the door, his head mostly bald. Gerardo. He wore his white shirt with the skull designs and dark pants. A gold tooth gleamed in his mouth. In his hand, he held a bottle of golden Mezcal spirit drink with a smiling white goat logo on it. The bottle had a teal and white twisty straw and a pink umbrella at the top.

"Que esta pasando?!" ("What's going on?!")

The man then gasped. "Que carajo?!" ("What the Hell?!")

Blitzo stomped repeatedly on two goats, blood splattering around. Another goat held onto the tips of his horns with its teeth. Millie held another goat roughly by the horns, glaring at another goat biting her pointed tail. Moxxie flinched and tried to slap a dark gray goat away.

"Nice! Easy, easy goats! Easy!" Moxxie cried.

"El Chupacabras!" cried the man, placing his red and black sombrero on his head. His bottle of Mezcal shattered to the wooden floor, revealing a lime slice and a caterpillar-like bug that had been inside. He reached for his gun with a cactus painted on it.

He cocked his two-barreled rifle and aimed it at the imps. Several loud blasts rang out into the night. The bullets hit a pile of goat corpses. Blitzo peeked out from inside a dead dark gray goat. "Shit! Scatter!"