Helluva Boss

S1 E3: Spring Broken

The ground-shaking rock music blared as a gray van rolled along the street at high speed. The front hood of the van was loose and rattled up and down, showing a dark opening. The front headlights looked like a dark grate with a few yellow lights at the very ends. The small license plate at the front read "IMP-666" in black letters. Two red stripes streaked across the side of the van while the bold red and white I.M.P. decal was proudly displayed on the side door.

"I love this song!" exclaimed the leader imp, Blitzo. He was wearing his usual work outfit; a navy blue coat with red buttons and a red pin at the front. Above Blitzo hung small red and white flags. In the center was a white toy horse with a blonde mane and tail. With his hands on the wheel, Blitzo belted out the lyrics:

"You were the little spicy little demon with the bleach blonde haaaair
Fiendin' for that semen when I caught your stare
Thought it might be love but you went too far
Fucked all of my friends and blew up my car!"

"Lit me on fire made me watch rom-coms
Made a secret sex tape and showed it to my mom
You were a bitch kinda generally
Now I'm a wet wild stallion and I'm running free!"

"You stepped on my nuts and you tore me apart
Slapped up my booty and tangled my farts
Cut off my dick when you shattered my heart
But it grew back twice as long..."

MUSTANG DONG!"

"Oh my god! I just went through puberty twice!" Blitzo wheezed as his voice cracked on the last line.

Memories of him and a former lover were already rushing back to him. The song perfectly described Blitzo's previous love life and though not very pleasant, was still fun to sing to. There were many times in his life where he considered horses to be better companions than his peers. An array of endless horse names and adventures he could conjure up in his head...

Blitzo made "horn" rocker symbols with his hands as he nodded his head to the beat. In shotgun, Loona made a face of annoyance as she glanced at her black and white cell phone in her hands. She wore her usual shorts, torn gray tank top and black strings in the shape of a downward facing pentagram below her neck. In the back of the van, Moxxie covered both ears as he sat in the long red seat. He wore his usual dark coat and red bow tie. Millie rolled down her window and smiled as the breeze blew through her wild black hair. She had on her black tank top and torn pants as well.

Blitzo drove the van into a reserved parking lot, surrounded by graffiti-sprayed buildings. A worn white banner on one building read "Buck you Flitzo" in bold capital letters. One of the buildings was decorated with a large red eye made of glass. Bizarrely enough, there was a billboard that advertised holy water. Blitzo haphazardly drove through the lot opening. He was just about to pull into the remaining empty space to the right when a pink convertible car beat him to it.

"Unholy shit! Fu..." Blitzo yelled, he and Loona both fearful. Blitzo rapidly turned the wheel and the horn sounded. He slammed on the brakes and the van skidded to a stop. The pink car had a red heart with gold trim on the back and a golden border. The license plate read "SUCK-4-LIFE." The wheels had small white hearts on the dark inside, white rims surrounding them.

An angry Blitzo rolled his head and turned off the radio.

Oh, you "suck for life," do ya?!" he asked as he glared at the car. He pulled out his white megaphone and leaned out the window.

"Listen up, you unoriginal pink cum dump!" he yelled through the megaphone. "You have three goddamn seconds to get your tits out of my parking spot!"

A pair of tall high heels lowered to the ground. The shoes were black with pink hearts on them. The figure wore black tight pants with three pink xs on the side. She wore a black and white dress, a black star on the lower half and a large X and O over her breasts. A sparkly light pink fluffy coat covered her shoulders. Her face was dark pink and a black choker was around her neck. She had a pointed tail, little bat wings and curved pink horns with a few black stars on them. Her hair was long and pinkish white, and sunglasses with pink hearts on them obscured her eyes.