Fight or Flight

Chapter 13: In my head

I'm sat next to Adie on the piano stool. She's been playing for nearly 30 minutes now and I'm just beside her, laying my head on her shoulder.

She doesn't look like she wanted to talk, so we didn't. I asked her how she is and who she's with, but I didn't get any answers so I decided to sit beside her and make her feel I'm here.

"Hey, Joey. Let's get some rest, hmm?" She softly asked me. I was almost going to fall asleep anyway, so I didn't bother resisting. "Let's get you back to your room, okay?"

"Adie." I called her when she stood up. She went to one of the tables and grabbed her flannel. She walked towards me and wrapped it around my shoulders. 

"Let me walk you to your room." She smiled. 

It was the kind of smile that I could feel just by looking at her. It was a sad, drained- a forced smile. She's tired and wanted to be left alone. She was resting when she was playing the piano. It was her safe space, her moment of serenity. 

"It's alright, you don't have to." I smiled back and held her hand. 

"Adie." I called her and she stared into my eyes. "Please don't smile if you're not happy. At least not with me? Please have some rest, Adie. Will I see you tomorrow?"

She nodded and held my hand. "I'll be around. Let's go, I need to lock this place up." She led the way out of the restaurant. "I don't have my phone with me at the moment, so you won't be able to get in touch with me through that." She said as we were about to separate ways. "You know where to find me if you need me."

I nodded at her. "Good night, Adie."

Adie stepped closer to me, making me look up to meet her eyes. She embraced me and placed a small peck on the temple of my head. 

She was going to let go when I pulled her back and hugged her. We stayed in that position for a few minutes and I decided to break it when I felt that she's starting to stiffen.

I took a step back and smiled at her, this time she didn't smile back. "Go." She softly said.

I couldn't.

Not when she looks like she's on the verge of breaking. So, I didn't. I stood in front of her, with my deep breathing and unblinking eyes. My hands shook and my feet felt painfully numb.

"Joey, my love?" 

I sighed heavily- not knowing I've been holding my breath for a while now. 

"Yeah?" I asked. I realized Adie just wanted me to snap out of my thoughts. "Yeah." I assured her. "Yeah, I'm going." This time, I turned my back and walked away from her.

I got back to my room, laid on my bed, staring at the ceiling, replaying the last hour I spent with Adie.

I thought about her in the restaurant- as the stranger who was playing the piano during dinner and how she is known as Liv. 

But then I realized, what do i know about Adie anyway?

She's studying psychology in New York. She's an athlete, a musician, an artist. She's introverted. I know these things that any other of my friends would know.

I thought of how amazing she played the piano and how she captivated the people around her that everyone stopped eating to watch her.

I thought of her being alone later that night- how her hair covered her face when I approached her playing the piano in the supposedly closed restaurant. I thought about how the dim light emphasized her silhouette and made her look like she was in a movie. 

And I thought about her sad eyes. Her smile that is so sweet but it hurts to look at. How the corner of her eyes droop down and corner of her lips shiver when she speak.

I thought about how much I regret not staying beside her tonight. I could've hugged her longer, at least tried to make her feel better.

I could've done something to be with her longer. 

'Joey, my love.'

My heart pounded as her soft deep voice is in my head once more. 

Over and over, it plays in my head.