Silent Tears

07 healed

Jay's

days passed at isa lang ang masasabi ko

she changed a lot

from that night after she changed alot, from her actions and even on how she acts when i'm infront of her, this is what i wat right? gusto kong nakikitang nahihirapan siya diba?

so what is this feeling? guilty?

i don't want this kind of set up, i always want attention kaya hindi ako mapakali ngayong halos hangin nalang ako dahil hindi siya kumikibo pag nadadaanan niya ako

i don't know why but she has this effect on me na parang ayokong ganto ang trato niya sakin

wtf jay, she's your wife's sister kaya itigil mo yang iniisip mo

this past few days i felt something when she started to avoid me, i always want to find a way to annoy her but she just shrugged the hell out of me na para bang pagod na siya sa mga ginagawa ko

nakakainis

"yow bro enough, sisirain mo ba office ko? " si jake, pumunta ako sa office niya to rant, ewan ko ba pero dito ako lagi dinadala ng paa ko sa tuwing naiinis ako

"i hate her" i mumble

"you always do bro, ano nga ulit ginawa mo?" he pause and act like he's thinking of something "ah right, you hurt her again but now it's physically, pero bro you're being so immature for accusing her on flirting some random guy, ano ka ba niya?"

natigil ako sasinabi niya, he's right, ano nga ba ako kay tine? i'm just her sister's husband so what's on me at bakit ako nangengealam sa kaniya?

"i'm her boss"

"no you're not, bro this is a real talk, i don't want to put some guilt on you but i want to say this to you" he said

"go on, the hell i care" i coldly reply

inirapan pa ako ng gago "bro you're putting a lot of guilt on her that's why she choose to stay, wala siyang magagawa kundi hayaan ka sa ginagawa mo because she thinks it's the only way to lessen your hate on her, pero teka nga matanong nga kita" he taps my shoulder

"ano nga ulit ang dahilan bakit galit ka sa kaniya?"

natahimik ako, i don't actually know kung ano ang kasalanan niya, like what i said noon naghahanap lang siguro ako ng masisisi sa pagkawala ng mag ina ko

"care to answer me? wala kang masabi diba? because you're choosing to hate her, bro you have an option yun ay patawarin siya because she's definitely did not do something on your wife's death and for fucking sake ilang beses ko ng sinasabi sayo na nasaktan din siya"

he's right pero ano bang mangyayari kung babaguhin ko ang pakikitungo ko sa kaniya? e ngayong mga nakaraan nga sobra na ang pag iwas niya sakin, and i hate it

"bro hindi ko na alam, i don't know how to answer you this time" i sighed, ready to surrender "hindi naman talaga ako galit sa kaniya completely, naghahanap lang yata ako ng masisisi ko and it sucks me"

"tanga ka pala minsan no? sinasaktan mo yung tao kasi wala kang matinong sagot sa sariling tanong mo? gago ka pala e bro you're hurting someone because you felt na tama yon? can i punch you?" he ready to put a fuat on me

"let that touch me and i swear magkakagulo sa airline nato" i said proudly

"tanga ka, fix this mess as soon as possible hanggat hindi pa nagbabago si tine completely sayo, bro she's kind umayos ka naman, be a man" he said

pagtapos namin mag usap i decided to go home, this is my free day,  a while ago i want to spend it by going to different bars pero pagtapos ng pag uusap namin ni jake nawalan na ako ng gana