❝ They say, who loves first, falls hardest, but what if this story is she fell first, he fell harder. ❞
Truths hurt, lies are a blasphemy in a relationship. But have you ever felt it? When everything feels like they're infinitely stretching your sou...
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Have you ever felt it? When you're laughing, every inch of your soul is tearing apart. With every movement and stretch of your lips, which curl up to create a smile, alongside the crinkle of your eyes, everything feels like they're infinitely stretching your soul and tearing it into tiny pieces of who you once were.
For me, smiling is no better than a sin, a punishment graver than any. Every day, I give it to myself.
The memory of Wren's smile, her laugh, and the feeling of her hand in mine, I smile thinking of those.
I smile at all those people whom I should have buried alive, all because of a promise. A promise to reform this wretched school. For every student, who is hiding their cries behind rough skin painted with ink of their hard work, but still not enough.
She used to sit with them and made promises on my behalf. She made a promise that I still keep close in my pocket.
I clench my hand into a fist inside my pocket, holding the cufflink, as the familiar knot of guilt and regret tightens in my stomach. It had been two years and 40 days since I last saw her, but I still can't shake the feeling of guilt. She had needed me, and I had let her down. The last words she had spoken to me before she left still haunts my memories and plagues every corner of my dreams.
"Will you choose your family or me, Elijah?" she said, "If it comes down to that, what will be your choice?"
As I touch the cufflink she picked for me in Italy during that summer, I feel the smooth surface under my thumb. The distinct W engraved on it represents her. Her name. Her essence. The only name etched in my heart.
"You're thinking about her again?" Angelina asks, leaning on the railing next to me with her legs crossed.
"Don't you do the same?" I reply, looking at Aiden as he practices for his upcoming football competition, "Even though you see him every day."
"Feeling empty when someone leaves can be fixed over time, Elijah," she says, her voice gentle and sincere, "But when you feel that emptiness even when the person is right next to you, it's hard to heal. They just keep widening that void inside you until you feel hollow, and you'll let them do it willingly."
A void? Is this empty feeling in my chest the void Wren left? Or is it proof that I couldn't save the girl I loved?
"Do I even deserve to feel better?" I whisper, and she hears, "How can I, when I left her when she needed me most? Even forever can't heal this pain, Lina. I had done it myself. I had pushed her away myself. My forever is long gone."
A warm hand holds mine. Is it comfort? Sympathy? Or the shared regret we carry, Understanding? Angelina knows me, and I know her. We both get the guilt of hurting someone you should have protected and cherished.
"Hey," I hear someone shout from across the field, "I've been telling you to pass the ball, but you keep ignoring me. I'm your captain, Zachary, learn to obey." Aiden points his finger directly at Zachary, Rank 15.
"I know I can score without passing the ball, why should I give up the chance to someone else?" Zachary fires back, stepping closer to Aiden, who is just slightly shorter than him.
"It's about teamwork, Zachary. Now go and get Marcello over here. Take a break." Aiden raises his hand, signaling for him to stop talking. "No arguments."
Zachary, muttering angrily to himself, walks away from the field. Beside me, I hear a low whistle. "Isn't he so hot?" Lina comments, gazing at Aiden across the field. Their eyes collide and a full smirk tugs at her lips as she blows a kiss towards him. Aiden rolls his eyes, but Lina pretends he blew a kiss back to her, playfully catching it and keeping it close to her heart. When Aiden turns back to his teammates, the smile disappears from Lina's face.
Leaving the railing, I sit on the comfortable stands, enjoying the plush padding on my legs. From here, I have a good view of the football field-a vast expanse of green.
"I can't find my turquoise towel," I hear Zachary's voice a few seats away, "I asked you to bring it, Drea Darling."
A jerk like him has such a soft-spoken voice towards his girlfriend? Surprising, indeed.
"Now," he says to Drea, Rank 43, a hint of a smile on his face, "Can you please bring me some juice? My throat's a little dry."
As Drea leaves the stand, heading to the nearby vending machine for a can of juice, Zachary's smile vanishes, replaced by a scoff. Expected.
He pulls out his phone, tapping away at something. Suddenly, a chuckle escapes him, and he tosses the phone back into his bag. He sits back, crossing one leg over the other. His ankle tremble with a cheerful rhythm as he whistles.
I avert my gaze, focusing on the field and on Angelina, who remains fixated on Aiden's every move.
'Elijah! Elijah, wake up. Wake up, stupid, it's utter chaos here,' Angelina's voice pulls me from my half-awake state. Opening my eyes, I see Drea attempting to throw a punch at Zachary, who towers over her by a good nine inches.
"What's going on?" I ask, rubbing my eyes, stretching my stiff back that's in desperate need of medical attention after falling asleep here in the stands.
"I closed my eyes for just a few minutes, and now they're at each other's throats," I stifle a yawn. "Weren't they all over each other just a moment ago?"
Angelina's face is flushed with anger. This is serious.
"That was before all of this went down," she mutters, slamming her phone into my hand for me to see what's causing the commotion.
It's a video recording. A clip showing Zachary and Drea fraternising.
A sex tape.
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