The Divorce

43

"I can't believe he ordered me a pizza,"

Fern looked up from stirring his coffee as I sat in the break room with him.

"I thought it was Kyle!"

"Yeah he was debating between pepperoni and vegetarian but wasn't sure if you eat pepperoni so got you a vegetarian to be safe. He almost ordered one of every flavour so be glad he didn't."

I looked at my empty lunch box of leftover pizza that I packed, if he had done that, I wouldn't have cooked for a few weeks. 

"Do I...need to pay him back?"  I asked confused. 

"No I'm sure it's fine."

Fern dropped his spoon into the sink and came over to sit across from me. He leaned back in his chair and sighed deeply, "He never got me a pizza. I also landed late, and wouldn't have had time to make dinner."

"Oh," I said, taking a sip of my juice.

"But then again I guess he doesn't need me healthy in one piece to act like his ex-wife trying to be his wife but will end up as his ex-wife."

That makes more sense to why he got me pizza, for a moment I thought he might have lost the plot and was being nice. 

"That..." I said taking another sip, "still confuses me."

Fern shrugged, then leaned forward to grab his ceramic mug, "It's a pride thing. Gabriel will be the first person on his entire extended family to be divorced you know, I mean he doesn't care but his grandmother is not happy so we had to think on the spot."

"Huh, shocks me that no one else got divorced, I guess it's not common for all families."

"Yep," Fern said, popping the 'p' as he took another sip of what looked like absolutely steaming coffee. The amount of steam coming out of that mug would mean I would have burnt all my tastebuds, but Fern barely winced as he chugged it. 

He clearly seemed used to it and he probably had to be to work for Gabriel longer than anyone else I knew, except maybe Richard. 

"So has the paper...you know all been through. With the fake wedding stuff."

"Yep," Fern responded again, his eyes flicking up to mine, "You're...not having regrets are you, or...Kyle?"

"Nope," I shook my head quickly, "I don't really care about being married on paper or not. You said you'll get it divorced as well."

"As long as I don't have to go the paperwork, we're good," I told him.

The last thing I needed was to sit at a desk signing my signature paper after paper like Gabriel was doing earlier today. 

"Correct, his grandma will be here in two weeks, and then we'll just play happy family and then we'll do a dramatic post credit scene and bamn!" Fern raised one arm, "You're divorced."

"Post credit scene?" I asked.

"Yeah so...we'll just come up with something by then, something bad so she has to say you have to get a divorce.  Can Kyle take some extra leave and come pretend to be you baby daddy? Now that's bad."

"Hey-," I warned him.

"Sorry...," Fern chuckled, "We just need something devastating. If we pin it on Gabriel's multiple issues, then we won't go anywhere cause they come from a family of men can't do no wrong."

"I know," I said, draining the rest of the juice and placing the lid back on, "How about I commit a murder! I'll try killing Gabriel and ban why would she still want me married to him."