Without Her

Her Letters

Mako told me that our Lady left behind letters for us, including her diary. I told her that I could never read her diary because those were her private thoughts, while Mako told me she couldn't bear to read her letter until everyone else got theirs. "She wrote them before she passed away." she told me, "We're waiting until Mika is old enough to understand her mother's death."

"When will that be?"

"Well, Mika is a fourth grader now, so I think in a few years."

We talked about what her letters might say and Mako told me that me that they might talk about how much she's loved us. After that, she shifted the conversation to helping put together a scrapbook of our own memories of our Lady for her daughter. "She already put together a scrapbook for Mika, I know, but, maybe, we should make another one, too." she said, putting together one.

Mako would ask me if I had any particular pictures of our Lady to add to the scrapbook. At the moment, I didn't, and she told me, "That's okay, 'cause you'll find one."

Other than that, we tend to talk about how we're managing without our Lady. "Ryuuko's staying really strong in all of this, 'specially since Mika's living, breathing reminder. Sometimes, when Mika and Aiko are playing, she tells she wonders how things would've gone—Do you think she and Ryuuko would have played together if they had the chance? I think they would have." she said, before her topic shifted back over the letters.

"I know she wrote nice things in them." Mako said, "And I don't have to read them to know she wrote nice things in them." She would go on to say how our Lady had many wishes and things she wanted to do but, mostly, she had so much that she wanted her daughter to know. "I know that she wanted her Mika to know how much she loved her and that's the most important thing."

Certainly, that was something I could agree on. Our Lady would have wanted her daughter to know who she was and how much she loved her. On the same token, I wondered how Mika would take the news. It was a juxtaposition, truly. The day our Lady left us being the same day Mika came to us. Thinking of it, Mika's name is apt. One of the ways to write our Lady's name includes "moon" and Mika's name means, "new moon".

The name "Mika" had to have meant a lot to her. Maybe she'd explain that more in the letters she left behind.