dedicated to d.

where did it start..?

Where, when, and how did it start..?

As you have said to me, we rarely talk to each other (and I agree) so you didn't expect that I have feelings for you. Of course I know well about that.

In my defense, I rarely talk to your batch in our organization because of my social awkwardness. And yes, I never really noticed you before except on my birthday in January, 2023.

You were in charge of birthday wordings, right? You wrote the captions and also announce it in the group chat too. I remember well that I adore that wording and complimented the writer in the group chat. It turned out that you made the wording.

You don't know how much I love your wording that I saved the screenshot of it safely. But I couldn't save the interactions after the birthday announcement since I changed my phone. Maybe if you still have it, please send it to me..

And that was it. I never noticed you in any other way and just become mutuals in our first accounts naturally, just because. From there, I found out that you play guitar. But to be honest, I never really think much about it.

Until around mid 2023, I was appointed to become a head of a division and it was a starting point of me to get to know the people in our organization, especially in my batch. But I get chances to talk to you, as a steering committee of my best friend's division.

It is just from littlest things, like when you asked for a little favor for external partnerships. I think it was the first time I talked to you in person.

This person is pretty quiet, but he knows well when to talk.

Later into the year, you texted me first as little as asking about the posted flyer about our event and that's it.

I didn't even noticed your birthday being announced that year and interestingly I posted a picture on my Instagram on your exact birthday. I swear it wasn't on purpose since I haven't liked you at that time.

About a week before our big event, we had a mini rehearsal where you practiced your performance and I was just there busy with designing stuff and directing things. Everyone gathered around you playing guitar, woo-ing over you, and I couldn't care less. I for sure remember that we didn't talk at all. I was busy with my own business and also talking with other people.

Until a certain lovely Friday.

Yes, the very first day of our big event. I know, I might be insane. It was a very big day for our organization, and of course for me too. I was thrilled but never nervous.

We were told to get to the venue early, and when I arrived at the venue, it is you who I see first. Like literally the first face I saw the moment I stepped into the room. You said hi to me.

I was confused. I thought that steering committees won't come as early as the organizing committee. Well, I basically said 'Why is he here?' in my head.

And the funny thing is that Still Into You by Paramore was also blasting through the room, my favorite song. Of course as a 'reserved' girl, I stayed calm not to jam into the song since I don't feel 'invited' to part of your conversation.

I went passed your back into the backstage area, put my things and was getting ready to open my laptop. But why did you suddenly went to sit behind me?

What a funny person.

You sat behind me with your laptop already opened.

Huh, is there a plug? Is he charging his laptop?

Man, why am I like this.