in a dark meadow | daryl dixon

feels like goodbye

word count: 5076

They didn't see Rick again until the following morning.

The group was eating a quiet breakfast in the common area, spooning gray lumps of oatmeal into their bowls. 

Avery sat at the table with the others, making a mental list of the supplies she wanted to keep an eye out for on her next run. There wasn't a day for rest. They needed ammo and they needed formula.

Daryl was already gone when she woke up that morning. Stretching into her mattress, she noted the space beside her was cold, meaning he'd likely already been up for a while. She dressed herself, splashed water on her face from her basin, and fastened her hair back for the day.

Emerging from her cell, her lips pulled downward. She hated how their cell block was still so dark, even in the morning hours. 

She quietly greeted everyone she passed as she made her way through the common room and out into the bright courtyard. The sky blossomed blue and the sun heated the concrete of the courtyard, warming Avery's soles even through her shoes.

Tucked in the corner of the grass fields were three graves. Her throat tightened as she approached them. Even amongst the calamities of the other day, they'd found time to dig a final resting place for their friends with makeshift crucifixions at the head of their graves. T-dog's body rested within, but the other two graves were empty, their bodies not found or unsalvageable. 

Avery sank to her knees and stared at the cold mounds of dirt. Fast tears filled her eyes, realizing she'd be unable to even honor them with bundles of wildflowers.

T-dog. Theodore. Her dear friend. The man who'd engage in her silly debates when nobody else wanted to. The man with a lovable and uplifting spirit. She imagined him talking in her ear at that moment, telling her this was a God's plan. She shook her head, as if the words were real. She couldn't accept that.

The three of them - Avery, T-dog, and Carol. Their escapades as the "dream team." When they'd all worked together to bring home that mighty deer that kept them all fed for a week... Even the supply runs that ran fruitless, Avery found herself thinking about. How they had enlivened one another. They stuck together no matter what, refusing to let each other drown in a world that wanted to pull them under.

Pull yourself together.

She could almost hear them telling her that. Avery sniffled, wiping her eyes just as tears threatened to fall. Carol was the embodiment of strength. How was this fair? The hardships she'd overcome, only to suffer a fate like this? 

And Lori... A mother who only wanted to nurture and protect to be parted from the thing she loved most - her family. A broken father and a doleful son left behind to pick up the pieces. 

Negative thoughts filled Avery's head. It should've been her. Not Lori. Not Carol. Not T-dog. Her.

There was a pop of white at the head of Carol's grave. Leaning closer, Avery's eyes widened at the sight of a single cherokee rose. The emblem of Daryl and Carol's relationship. He'd already been out here to mourn.

Rising to her feet, Avery began to walk the fenceline, ignoring the ambling biters on the other side that followed her. In the opposite corner of the field, closest to the treeline, she finally spotted the thistle of vines and the white bloom of roses. The bush weaved into the chain link fence, refusing to wilt in the dark this world had become. 

She stood out there for a while, admiring the tangle of flowers. She breathed deeply before heading back to the compound, building herself up one step at a time until she was ready to carry on.