Fine & Fearless

Chapter 10

I woke up to laughing and the smell of weed. Oh hell no. I jumped out my bed and followed the smoke. I saw Jesse and OH MY FUCK! It wasn't Bianca.... It was Jason! My enemy, Jessica's, older brother. He's 4 years older than us. In 8th grade, Jessica and Brooklyn had the whole school to call me a slut and a whore because I made out with Jason and he was in the 11th grade. I was 13 and he was 17 . I know that's a huge age difference but I was young and I thought he was the cutest boy I ever laid eyes on and I was still recovering from my sisters and grandmas death. I was still trying to find the new me. I was just trynna be a bad girl and making out with a junior was the perfect way to become one to me. I told him about how the whole school is calling me names and he was there for me. He made me feel better... And that night

I lost my virginity to him.

Once I saw him smoking with Jesse I tried to hide. I hadn't really talked to him since I lost my virginity. We would see each other and completely ignore each other. The day after I lost my virginity I felt horrible. I felt dirty. I was so upset with myself that I completely stopped talking to him. I'm gonna suck it up tho. I'm Erin Carter. I'm not scared of shit. I'm a boss ass bitch. I decided to walk out but I walked right back in. I don't know why I can't walk in there.
"Erin!" Jesse shouts. Shit! MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN SHIT!
"Yeah?" I said still not walking in there
"You wanna join?"
"I'm good."
"You sure? It's almost gone." I couldn't pass on this. I need some weed. I walked out slowly hoping the smoke blocked Jason from seeing me. I sat beside Jesse and rolled me one.
"Erin?" I heard Jason say. I looked up at him and went back to rolling.
"You're still not speaking to me? After 5 years... Wow." He said.
"What are you talking about?" Jesse said looking at Jason.
"Nothing bro." Jesse looked over at me. I grabbed the lighter out Jesses hand and lit it. I inhaled and exhaled cool smoke rings and Jesse kept on messing them up.
"Stop you jackass." I said chuckling. I tried again and Jesse put his finger in the ring and moved it back and forth to symbolize sex. I laughed hard. Jason wouldn't take his eyes off of me. I forgot he was right there for a second. My vibe was ruined that quick. I got up and walked back to my room.
"Erin can we talk?" He asked. I closed my door and made it loud so he could hear it.

About 15 minutes later I heard a knock on my door. I knew it was Jason so I didn't say anything.
"It's Jesse babe." I got up and opened the door. Wait did he just call me babe.
"Did you just call me babe?"
"No. I got a bong. You wanna smoke it?" I nodded. I walked out and saw Jason was doing a line. He looked at me and I rolled my eyes. Jesse put the bong in my lap and I went in.
"Damn babygirl." Jesse said. I like that. He called me babygirl. I put my legs on Jesses thighs and rested my back on the arm rest. I lifted my head from the bong.
"You're insane." Jesse said.
"Bout damn right." I said chuckling. Jesse wouldn't take his eyes off of me either. I think he was impressed. I exhaled the smoke. Ahh that was a good one.
"You staying over dude?" Jesse asked Jason while picking me up and putting me in his lap. Well ok. I wonder what's got into him. Oh yea right, he's high. I'm sorta high so I played along and this is a perfect way to make Jason jealous. I scooted my body closer to Jesses chest and I wrapped my right arm around his neck. I rolled another and as I was about to put it in my mouth, Jesse grabbed it and lit it and put it in his mouth. I waited till he was done exhaling and I snatched it out and began smoking it.
"Yeah." Jason said looking at me.
"Aight. Well you can sleep on the couch in my room or one of the couches out here." Jesse said while wrapping his left arm around the back of my waist and his right arm around the front of my waist. I was quickly getting butterflies and I NEVER get those! I rested my head on Jesses shoulder to see what he was gonna do. He looked down at me and smiled. Goddamn this boy.
"Jesse, I forgot to tell you my sisters are coming over tomorrow." He nodded. "You don't have to act differently or clean anything." I said getting up and walking to my room. Jason grabbed my wrist when I walked by.
"Please talk to him." I looked at his hand on me and back up at him. I pulled my pocket knife out faster than a blink twisting it and held it over his hand. He quickly moved his hand.
"Damn Erin." Jesse said with a chuckle.
"She's crazy as hell and she's good with knives too." Jason said. I could feel both of there eyes on my ass. I walked to the bathroom and took a shower cause when he put his hand on me I felt dirty again. I went in my room and took another nap.

-an hour and a half later-
I got up to a knock at the door with my eyes half open. I opened and saw Jason. I forgot this dick was here! I opened my eyes all the way and slammed the door but his foot was in the way. I looked at his foot and back at him. He smiled. I kicked his foot and tried to slam it again. Dammit.
"I'm not letting you get away this time." He said. I reached my head out the door to see if Jesse was out there. He wasn't.
"You don't have to talk but I will." He said shoving me out the way. He closed the door and sat on my bed. He patted the seat next him but I continued to stand by my door.
"Please?" I grabbed my pocket knife out my pocket and sat where my head board was while he was at the end of the bed.
"You were my best friend Erin. I lost my best friend. She wouldn't talk to me anymore and that hurt. You were worried about what people thought of you. Why would they care if you made out with a 17 year old? It was none of their business. You wanted to make out with me and what you want shouldn't concern them." I rolled my eyes denying I wanted to makeout with him.
"I know you liked me." He said smiling. I looked down and started playing with my knife.
"I think you said I was the cutest boy you've ever laid-" he stopped when I pointed my knife towards him. "Sorry sorry." He said raising his hands up with a chuckle.
"I know it was wrong to have sex with you and me being the older person I should've stopped it before it started but when you love someone it's a lot harder." I quickly looked up at him. He was looking straight ahead at my door. I snapped my knife and put it on my nightstand.
"That night was special because it was the first time I made love to someone I really loved." I watched him as he talked.
"I miss your voice when you're talking to me. I miss your laugh. I miss everything about you. I don't know if you got them but for five years on your birthday I would send you a card. I haven't been trying. For most of the 5 years I was scared to mention it. I'm not saying I want us to go back to normal or date or anything. I just want you to forgive me." He finally looked at me. I was crying.
"Nothing?" He said. He stood up and walked out. "I tried."