the charm | winrina

eighteen

Although the girl may have dumped her heart in the sunny sands of a tropical island and then stomped on it with her overpriced, ridiculously attractive black heels, Karina had to admit that Winter had excellent hospitality.

(Karina refused to say it aloud, however, just grudgingly nodding in acknowledgement when Winter did something nice for her.)

Nice things- i.e., setting out freshly washed towels to Karina to use when her shower was finished; leaving home-cooked dinners for her on the island, instructions for microwaving taped to the bowls; giving her piles of unworn designer clothing to wear. The two rarely crossed paths, Karina being out of a commission and Winter being at work late, even though Karina had heard the rumors that her coworkers no longer respected her with the same familiarity. Karina wasn't sorry for that at all- it had been Winter's decision to say what she had said- but honestly, seeing Winter walk through the door at the end of the day, looking broken and exhausted, she felt the tiniest bit guilty.

After all, Winter's silent acts of hospitality were like tiny, baby steps towards forgiveness. Tiny, miniature, baby, infant ones though; Karina wasn't quite ready to give her heart back yet.

One night, however, she felt in a particularly good mood- a famous, notably eccentric, magazine boss had contacted her to arrange a shoot. She recognized the name, but vaguely- she had been sated with red wine while reading the email, having found an open bottle in Winter's fridge with a note that read, You can have some if you like. Winter's entire house was that way- it was a penthouse, built for indulgence, with a Jacuzzi in the upstairs bathroom and a shower with jewel taps in the downstairs one. It was modern chic with touches of antiquity- marble counters but metal appliances, cream curtains made out of vintage fabric. Karina, as much as she'd hated to admit it, was comfortable.

Well, as much as one could be in their quasi-ex's home, freeloading off of one's quasi-ex's paychecks.

Anyhow, once Karina had received the email, she had waited to reply- just like drunk driving, drunk emailing was something to be avoided- until she heard the door click open.

Winter and Karina barely spoke- they hadn't had the Talk yet, just a few words and Karina thanking Winter for taking her in. Small interactions.

But something compelled her to throw on a black satin dressing gown, comb her hair till it was soft and silky, and pad downstairs like a lioness. Maybe it was the red wine, maybe it was the high of finding another job; Karina wasn't yet sure. But all she knew was that she wanted to see Winter.

"Oh. Hey," Winter said awkwardly when she turned, setting her bags down on a nearby chair and fumbling for the silver pitcher by the fireplace she kept full of lighter fluid. Winter's fireplace wasn't fake like most penthouses, instead housing real logs and a real metal cage to keep people back from the fire. Sometimes, Karina liked to imagine throwing those colored packets on the black logs and watching the flames erupt in different colors, and watch them reflect her irises blue or green in the mirror-like marble of the mantel.

"Hi," Karina answered softly. She made her way forward, picking through the armchairs in the living room and picking up Winter's coat from where she'd flung it on the chair back. "Rough day?"

"They always are," Winter murmured, pouring the lighter fluid into the fire. She stepped back with a practiced motion, setting the pitcher aside and watching the flames leap up and dance.

"I know."

A beat of silence passed, and Winter suddenly turned to her.

"I'm sorry, Karina. I never meant to embarrass you like that, or hurt you in any way, I swear. I just-"

"Winter, please."

Karina knotted her fingers tightly together, looking away, and Winter nodded, albeit slowly.

"I- I'm sorry, I overstepped," Winter said softly, and then raised her eyes to Karina's. "I won't talk about it anymore. I just... I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry. I really am."

"Okay."

The quiet was overwhelming, and it engulfed the both of them in a gentle solace. Karina stood still, and Winter moved slowly- she picked up her bags and made to go, head bowed, her steps ethereal in sound as she padded almost silently towards the staircase. As Winter began to climb, the dull thud of her bags echoing behind her, Karina spoke.

"Why did you say it?"

Winter froze, unmoving, and then turned to look at Karina, the air charged as she opened her mouth.

"I was stupid," she said hoarsely. "I thought I could cat-and-mouse my way to that money. That's how I dealt with everything else in my life. I'm shit at confrontations, and I can't ever admit my mistakes. So I said all of that because I thought this would be the same. But that was dumb. Because you're not the same at all."

Karina looked at Winter, really looked at her, trying to find those four seasons in her eyes again and see if she really had gone through the chill and emerged into the warmth.

She searched.

She searched, and she searched, and she searched.

But she found nothing.

"What do you mean?"

"You're not like anyone I've ever met. I mean this honestly," Winter said immediately. "You're so... human. And I'm so addicted to it." She dropped her bags, bowing her head and leaning against the wall. "I hate myself for saying it, I swear. I was going to BS everything... but then you showed up." She smiled, but it wasn't hollow; it was fond and distant, like remembering a memory that had unlocked a flood of happy times. "You threw a wrench in anything and turned it all into such a beautiful mess. And I fell in love with you for it."

There.

Even in the bad lighting- the darkness of the evening, and the dim flicker of the firelight in Winter's eyes- Karina caught it. That slow emergence of sun, like when the snow has settled and the clouds clear for first sunlight.

Winter was telling the truth.

I fell in love with you for it.

Winter was in love with her.

For real this time.

Karina had to make a decision. She was still in love with the other woman- but now, would she follow her feelings?

Yes.

Karina was at her lowest point. Karina didn't think Winter would kick her when she was down- so she had to be telling the truth.

"Past tense?" Karina murmured.

Winter's face changed to hopeful, but dimly hopeful, as if she was ready to have her dreams crushed at any moment. "What do you mean, past tense?"

"You fell in love with me? Is that really so, Winter Kim? And if it is, how true is it?" Karina tilted her head, trying to conjure up a semblance of familiarity, to throw herself back into familiar waters. "How over is this relationship, really?"

Winter's bags sounded like boulders as she practically threw them on the stairs, and the creative director grinned suddenly, slinking down the staircase like the Cheshire Cat. "Well, Karina Yu, how over would you like it to be?"

"Why don't you show me?"

Winter was many things, but she did not waste time. In barely five seconds, she was on Karina, kissing her like the world was ending in half an hour.

Karina's response, although enthusiastic, was cautious; these were new waters for her heart. Maybe Winter had had a serious relationship before. Karina didn't know. But all she knew was that this kind of passion- this burning fire that she had been looking for someone to illuminate for so, so long- was all-consuming, and she needed fences to corral it for now.

When they broke apart, breathing heavily, Karina's plea was soft.

"Please be careful with me."

Winter's smile as she leaned her forehead on Karina's said all she needed to know.

"Always."