Without you

Jokes on you!

                                                     

1 month later

Lovely Pov

In the blink of an eye the world can spin so fast that it strips you of everything, from your soul to your last breath it leaves you lifeless to pick up the broken pieces that are so small your eyes wouldn't focus to see them. As my body laid floating I started to sink and as I looked around for something or someone to pull me up I found nothing, nothing but the strength in my arms that began to build from my eagerness to not fail, I went from floating to standing and from standing to walking and from walking to opening my eyes to see that life had just began from my simple fight to not stop believing in me!

I opened my eyes with the same feeling every morning as if the world was about to end. My heart didn't beat the same smooth yet fast rhythm, my eyes didn't focus with clear vision anymore and I had lost over 20 pounds. The truth was I was depressed but after closing my eyes and seeing what looked to be an angel cradling my baby in her arms, I knew it was time for me to get myself together. I woke up and stretched my aching bones I've been in bed for about a month now barely spending anytime with my boys, barely talking to Cole and the only person that I allowed to see me was my mom. I got up as my feet hit the cold floor I walked into the bathroom to take a hot shower. As the steaming hot water began to hit my skin I began to reflect on my life, from Clay, to Cole, to the drugs and just everything. It's hard wanting more in life when the things you settled for refuse to let you go. I was tired of letting shit happen to me and I had no one to blame but myself and the decisions I make when I feel heartbroken. I finished washing my body as I stepped out the shower. I lotioned my body and walked into Cole and I walk in closet. I decided to wear my black and white Bobbi Romper with my pointed toe nude heels, I needed to remind myself who I was even if just for one day. I applied a little make up with my Mac Matte red Ruby Woo lipstick. As I was putting the finishing touches on my makeup, I heard the door to my room open

"Lovely are you in here?" I heard my mom yell

 "In the bathroom" I replied she walked in pushing the door open

 "well don't you look gorgeous, glad to see you finally up" my mom spoke

 "Yea I know, thanks for being here when I needed you the most!" I replied looking at my mom realizing that sometimes it's not about whose been there the longest, it's about them being around when you need them the most and although she wasn't the best mom she was there when I needed her and that's all I could ask for.

"Mom take a seat I need to ask you something!" I spoke as my mom took a seat on my large bathroom toilet as she fixed her scarf tied around what looked to be not much hair underneath.

 "How long do you have left?" I asked as she looked at me with shock in her eyes

 "Don't look like that mom, I know I can tell from the way you look, the weight you've lost and the conversation you were having on the phone with Cream when you thought I was sleep one day you came over"

 "As of now I have 3-6 months maybe less, lovely I was going to tell you it just wasn't the right time" she replied with tears in her eyes.

"No time for tears I guess it's time to make these last few months the best time of your life, now come on lets go have a girls day on me!" I replied grabbing my mom and hugging her, although I was sad I'm starting to realize death was a part of life and we all had to go someday. I just pray I don't leave reaping the seeds I sewed that weren't good to this earth. I took her hand as I grabbed my purse and we headed out the door.

 "Could you call Clay and check on my boys, I don't want to actually talk to him right now?" I asked

 "Sure! but I dropped them off over there before I came here so their just fine, just talking everyone's ears off and asking about you every five minutes" my mom spoke laughing.