Recesses of the Heart

6

On my way to the library, memories of my past life were coming and going. The punishment I was given, the way in which I tried to explain myself to Lan Zhan and he was so rigid and stubborn that he didn't even want to glance my way. There was also the book swap. He was so angry it was just too cute. Now, as much as I adore how cute he is when angry, I don't really want that directed at me anymore.

When I arrived at the library, I was greeted by a familiar sight. Lan Zhan was sitting at a table, he had a couple books out, one in hand, and some ink and parchment in front of him. I had a feeling he'd be here. This is the place he spends most of his time, at least that was what I noticed in my last life.

I smiled and entered, "Hanguang Jun," I couldn't help but say that title. It was a title he has well earned and it suits him too.

He looked at me, "Yiling Patriarch," he said in response.

I giggled, "am I still considered that if I don't use that path anymore?" I asked, "even if I could, I guess titles haven't been announced at this time. Though, your title is a lot better than mine."

"You called me by my title first," he argued, "and we may not have those titles yet, but we will probably have them again."

I nodded, "I hope I don't," I told him, "mine just makes me sound like a monster...and it makes me believe that I am too."

"You are no monster," he told me, "come sit."

I sighed and sat across from him, "how do you not see me the way others did?" I asked.

"Because I know the truth behind your mask," he said, "and the promise we made has always stuck to you."

I nodded, "I was resurrected into my child self, but fate took my cultivation away as it was removed in my last life. Someone, that was altered thanks to Baoshan. I can cultivate again but I have to hide it all so I don't overpower anyone."

"What is it like?" He asked.

"Huh?"

"Immortality, what is it like?" He specified.

"Oh, I am of course, stronger. I stop aging at age eighteen, and I can't die. But, even though I cannot die, it doesn't me that I don't bleed or can't feel pain. I skipped years of cultivation and jumped right into the next phase. It's hard to have to hold back all the time, but to avoid any issues, I hide it," I explained.

He nodded, "even though that is the case, I still wish to help you in any way I can," he said.

I nodded in response, "I figured as much, which is why I made plans with Baoshan," I told him, "if we can convince your family for us to get out of going through lectures again, we can get the Yin Iron, and I can take you to visit my grandmother. She wants to help you with your cultivation too...that is if you want it."

"It will be easier to convince Father as he knows everything," Lan Zhan said, "and I would be honored to accept your invitation."

"Okay...does your father...know who I really am?" I asked.

Lan Zhan nodded, "he won't tell anyone about you."

"Hiding my identity, I am basically breaking a rule of your sect," I told him.

"As only my father and I know, you are not to be punished. Others would suspect something if you got punished," Lan Zhan said.

"I do not like having to hide my identity but this is the only way I have lasted this long without being..." I hesitated to speak more.

"Wuji," he said, "your time in Lotus Pier back then?"

"Rumors of me being abused?" I added, "they were true. The Jiang's only made it seem like it was all it was...a rumor...but I was scolded a lot by Madam Yu, compared to her son all the time, she...used Zidian on me a lot."

I heard him gasp, "why didn't you tell anyone?" He asked.

"Who would do anything about it?" I asked, "no one cared for me back then. What sucks more is that I go by a new name and I am treated like a saint. If I still went by my original name, I would have walked down the same path as before."

"You could have told me," he said, "I cared, and I still care."

"Why?" I asked.

"Be—" he began but stopped. He seemed to be thinking about this for a while before he tried to speak again, "I am sorry for my behavior towards you back then...now, I want to make it better. I want to fix my mistakes and make sure I don't regret not being honest from the beginning."

"About what?" I asked.

"I...I just wish to protect you," he said.

Why is he not specifying why though? I thought.

"Why?" I asked him.

"I do not want to lose you," he replied.

"If you wanted to be my friend from the start, why push me away?" I asked.

"I was afraid," he answered, "I was always used to being alone. Used to the quiet. I got used to it being louder when I met you. I found the quiet suffocating when I was alone. You make my life better. I do not know how to explain it properly. I just know that I like having you around."

I stared at him for a good minute before I could get out any words, "make your life better? Even though your uncle hates me?"

"I don't care," he said, "I just need you in my life."

I nodded. I felt that I should move on for now, "um...about the issue Wen Chao...I hope I didn't cause too much trouble."

"Father already dismissed the issue," Lan Zhan said, "and you did just as you did last time."

"I just hope Wen Chao doesn't come looking for me later. It won't end well for him," I said.

"Just hope he stays away for now," Lan Zhan said,

"Um, I do need to find time to talk to Wen Qing and Wen Ning. Their village is safe but they are still under Wen Ruohan. I want to help them if I can," I said.

"I'm sure you will have some time in the future to speak with them," he said.

I nodded, "well," I looked at the books on the table, "why so many books?"

"They are books on new cultivation skills," he explained, "I thought I'd do some research."

"With what I learned from Baoshan so far, I could teach you," I told him, "I just need a place to do that."

"There is some time in the evenings when the training grounds are not being used. If it's alright, I would like to see what you know," he said.

"They are more advanced for the average cultivator, but you aren't like other cultivators. I'm sure you can handle it," I told him.

"I look forward to it," he said.