Recesses of the Heart

17

I was back at Lotus Pier and I didn't like the distance between Lan Zhan and me. I missed him a lot, but we would be seeing each other again in a few weeks. The Qishan conference meeting and archery competition was coming up soon. As head disciple, it was my job to help Sect Leaded Jiang pick out people to participate this year. There were some good people, obviously Jiang Cheng and I would take up two spots as I was head disciple and Jiang Cheng was sect heir. Both were 'encouraged' to participate.

During the time I am not helping sect leader Jiang or helping train the other disciples, I kept to myself either in my room or over near the docks. The longer I am here the more the memories I have of the past come back to haunt me. At times I am grateful that no one knows my true identity but at the same time, I feel like a complete fraud. I know I shouldn't feel this way though, because I am now living a better life and I'm not being abused all the time.

As I sat alone in my room at the moment, I was smiling like an idiot because I kept thinking about that night before leaving Cloud Recesses. I had him wrong, so wrong. I guess I just didn't know how to read him like I can now. Back then I didn't know what to feel either. I felt lost and my trust in everyone was gone. I still have a hard time trusting people, but I suddenly felt myself trusting Lan Zhan more than I have ever trusted anyone. Baoshan told me that Lan Zhan and I are soulmates. Since we had so many misunderstandings in our past life, fate wanted to make sure we didn't waste any time this time around.

My thoughts were soon interrupted by a knock, "Come in," I said sitting up on my bed.

"A'Ji, I was wondering where you wandered off to," Shijie said as she entered, "Why are you by yourself?"

"Just relaxing for a while, training wore me out today," I said. I lied as training doesn't tire me at all but she doesn't need to know that, "is everything okay?"

"Of course, I was just wondering where you were," she said as she sat beside me, "I never got to talk to you about you and Lan-Er-Gongzi."

I found myself blushing, "about what?" I asked clearing my throat.

"I wanted to talk to you without Jiang Cheng to tease you," she said, "I wanted you to know I am happy for you. Are you happy?"

"Yes I am," I said, "I appreciated it. I like him a lot. I know people have so many different opinions of him, but he is very nice. He is just hard to approach."

"I know," Shijie said, "I also wanted to ask why you left during the middle of lectures."

"I was asked by Sect Leader Lan to accompany Lan Zhan on a night hunt," I told her, "He didn't want his son to go alone and Qingheng Jun trusted me with him. He also told me he admires my talents."

"You are a talented young man," Shijie said.

"Shijie," I whined and blushed.

She shook her head, "I am not taking it back," she said, "anyway, are you hungry?"

"Actually, I am," I said.

"Alright, I will go make you something," she said.

"Thanks," I said and watched her leave. I was thankful for her support at least.

***

~*Lan Wangji's POV*~

I was near the back hills with my Guqin out. I wanted to have some time to think. I sat here with the rabbits I have long come to love. I sat here playing a song that was embedded deep in my heart. It has only been a few days, but I missed Wei Ying already. As I sat here, I heard someone approaching so I stopped playing to give this person the attention they needed.

"Wangji, it is just me," my brother said calmly as he knelt beside me.

"Mnn," I nodded.

"What was that you played? I haven't heard it before," He asked.

"I wrote it for someone," I answered.

"Your partner?" He asked with a grin, "Wei Ying?"

I looked around, "Be careful."

"It's just use, I promise," he said, "I actually wanted to talk to you about him."

"Alright," I replied with some hesitation.

"You told us everything about your past life, how was he before?" Brother asked.

"He was a bit more outgoing and playful," I answered, "a lot happened for that to change...I watched him die."

"I'm sorry," Brother said, "what happened before you came back to the past?"

"I died due to being unable to recover from a punishment," I told him, "I stood up for Wei Ying and I hurt some of our people. I was punished with the discipline whip for hurting them. I was too heartbroken to allow myself to heal and my golden core was weak from all the fighting. I think I died in my sleep." I noticed my brother crying, "I do not regret what I did, and you had tried to talk the elders and Shufu out of my punishment. You had to deal with it even though you were the leader."

"I let you down, didn't I?" He asked. It was more like he said it as a realization than a question.

I nodded, "I don't blame you. I blame everyone."

Brother seemed to be looking at me with a new perspective. He seemed to understand that I had been severely hurt and betrayed by my own sect. I was lost and all I really wanted was to help Wei Ying. I don't blame brother too much but I do at the same time. I blame everyone for following Sect Leader Jin and not actually trying to be considerate and look into the matter before it escalated.

"Wei Ying, seems to really trust you," Brother said.

"He didn't always," I told him, "he and I had a lot of misunderstandings...I fell in love with him when we first met, but I didn't actually realize it until he went missing for three months. When he returned, he changed and I got concerned. I didn't know how to help him."

"Love?" Brother asked with a raised brow and a sly smile, "that is something I don't hear come out of your mouth."

"I want to marry him," I said not bothering with his teasing.

"You will, I am sure it will happen this time," Brother assured me, "and I look forward to really getting to know the real him."

I nodded, "it might take some time. He doesn't trust people like he used to."

"If he had to deal with people trying to kill him, I can understand that," Brother said, "I will be patient with him."

I nodded, "I appreciate you trying."

"So, I actually came to find you because Father and Shufu need us to help choose participants for the archery competition," Brother said.

I nodded as I put my guqin away and stood up, "alright."