Old habits die hard (boyxboy)

(12) Not really a date

Deryk POV

"So... Want my pickle?"
"Course dude."
This is so goddamn awkward, how the hell did we get here?

'Appreciate the flowers, if y wan im down to talk properly over some food'
'Still remember our spot?'

Right, fucking instagram.

-+-

My somewhat of a tantrum gifting left me frankly scarred, and very glad that Kellan made no effort to reach out or be civil with me in the past few weeks. So its safe to say when I received these messages, yesterday, I was shook to the core.

Nonetheless it didn't take long to come to my senses and realise that the long shot of an apology actually worked. It actually worked! With a quick reply (trying not to drag it out beyond arranging details) it lands us here, the burger king in the central bustling streets of our town.

And it was so very excrutiatingly awkward... Let me reitterate for the third time! This. Is. Horrible. I cant let this silence sit for any longer.
"What exactly um... Did you want to talk about?"
His eyes met mine, almost dumbfounded as he took an intimidatingly slow bite of a curly chip. Distracted by his weird eating habits, who can blame me if my eyes fall to his lips as he scrutinises my face.
"What?"
Squeeked my small voice, I felt really strange being under his watchfull glare and I have no idea why! Fucking annoying, if you ask me.

Regardless Kellan simply stared at me, persisting to raise a neat brow and tilt his head charmingly.

If you ask others, of course.

"Oh come on, you suggested meeting to talk I thought you had something to say..."
He hummed in response to me as he offered his open burger for the pickles on mine.
"Just thought it'd be nice to try and talk, you know, politely and put this shit behind us."
Before I had chance to reply, he interupted himself with a waving gesture towards me.
"C-course only if you want! I figured since you've been putting so much effort in and i've been a dick back."
"No!"
Instinctively the retaliation jumped from my throat, deep down I knew how long he'd been trying for but it was me that kept that rift between us. It was me that kept us apart. It's me thats making him hurt.
"I mean... Well you've never been horrible to me, not really. Don't think its fair for you to say i'm the one putting effort in when you were for so long beforehand, that's all."
A chuckle came from across the table, drawing my attention strongly. But only so strong as it sounded tired, weak, amongst Kellan's usual cheery nature it sounded wrong.
"Yeah, I guess. Though it was more to cover for how tight my mates were, not to try keep us close honestly."
"I feel pretty shitty about it, but seems I just felt shittier about us actively fighting."

The conversation silenced shortly whilst I rendered his admittance to try and cultivate a response. Truthfully... I had nothing to say. Everything I wanted to say had already been said in the locker room, and assuming he'd said all he needed also the situation was almost funny.

So I may as well say that, god knows I can't ruin this more.

"Well... I mean everythings been said old friend. Think it's safe to say we've both fucked up alot but at least you had the balls to acknowledge it."
My eyes met his, a sparkle behind them bringing up a smile on my face reminiscent of all the times we'd sat in these seats so many years ago.
"So this is me telling you I realise i'm the dick, not you, and I want to own it maturely like you have."
"If you'll let me?"
I kept my eyes trained sincerely on his, only stopping to offer him the half filled milkshake as a sort of truce. In the past he always ordered a diet drink and me a milkshake, eventually Kellan always succumbed to a sip, always.

Thoughtfully I could only hope he understood the gesture, admittedly this will take more than a milkshake to fix but i'm more than willing to try. A lump grew in my throat as I waited for a clear-cut response. Hairs stood at the end of my skin as I nervously fidgeted with the strands of my ripped jeans amongst the silence. Looking anywhere but at Kellan whilst he stroked his gaze from my expression to my body countless times. This was nerve wracking, both of our stares fell to the milkshake in the silence and my heart softened as a small smirk graced his lips.