C.U.B.A.

Why do all fairytales start with 'once upon a time'? Why can't it start with something like, 'I ran over a donkey'? Well it's not like my life is a fairytale. In fact, it's depressing and complicated.

You see, my grandmother is moving to Florida with her 20 years-old fiancé, my dog ran away and I just got in my school chess team.

The chess team dilemma isn't really depressing or complicated. I'm actually more like confused. I wasn't even in the team in the first place, but out of the blue the coach gave me a tournament permission form.

Oh. Sorry for being rude; I completely forgot to introduce myself. My name is Nini Hoodgefudge. I am seventeen years-old. Two years ago, I was diagnosed with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).

It is really hard for me to trust humans; especially clowns. Clowns are terrifying. I get all jiggly and sweaty whenever I come across one.

Two years ago, I was at a birthday party. Her parents ordered a clown and 'it' touched me. Not in an inappropriate way, but 'it' patted my head. From then on, I swore that I was going to kill every clown I come across with.

When I grow up, I wanna study prostitution. Prostitutes have always fascinated me. As soon as I turn 18, I am going to Hitler College.

I don't think that Hitler did anything wrong. He only stood up for what he believed in. Everyone tells us that if we believe in something, we should stand up and fight for it; which is why I don't understand why people are judging him.

To be honest, he reminds me of one of my best friends. Her name is Anna. Anna is not human. She is very cocky. She does not know what humility means and she is very stupid. She once ran over a whole family of black cat, because she thought that it was funny. Her goal is life is to kill her sister. There are lots of similarities between Anna and Adolf Hitler.

If Hitler was still alive, I would invite him to go clubbing with me. He is a very good dancer. He likes to dance to swing music. Just kidding. Hitler hates swing music since they are composed by black and Jewish people.

I recommend that you watch the movie 'Swing Kids' to understand what I'm talking about.

My birthday is coming up soon. I want a lot of things for my birthday. However, the thing that is first on my birthday wish list is a unicorn that can swim.

Unicorns have always fascinated me. Their horns are very magical and have healing powers. I also like them because they're white.

We are learning about colours/light in Physics class. Science sucks balls. The three primary additive colours are red, blue and green.

I support same sex marriages. I love Ellen DeGeneres. I am Roman Catholic but because the church does not believe in same sex marriages, I am converting to either Atheism or Judaism.

We are learning about Anti-Semitism in Religion class. It is a fascinating that up to this day people still blame the Jews for Jesus' death and World War I and II. What is wrong with these people?

Macbeth is not the right person to become King of Scotland. I believe that Hecate should have been king.

Why do we close our eyes when we pray? Or when we kiss? This question has been bothering me ever since after I peed. Does closing our eyes make it special?

Sloths are magical. But it doesn't mean we close our eyes when we encounter one. There are so many things about life that I'm curious about. Like for one, why do Grade ten students write an OSSLT (Ontario Secondary School Literacy Test)? What the hell is the point of that little piece of orange?

I'm craving orange right now. Nothing rhymes with orange. It's weird. What about door hinge? Does that count? It kinda rhymes.

I have a thing for ducks. They fascinate me. The way they waddle is adorable. On my wedding day I'm gonna order a hundred ducks and let them walk around the whole church and the reception.

I wanna get married in Paris, France or somewhere nicer like a beach. I haven't really planned anything yet. I don't even think I'm ever gonna get married.

I'm probably gonna be like Mer; living with twenty-seven camels. I love Mer. She makes me laugh.... in a fake way. She ruins everything. She's attempted to kill me twice and she ripped my baby out of my womb.

The worst part is that she was the father of the baby. I mean, who in their right mind kills their unborn baby?

I don't believe in abortion. Our bodies are sacred from the "womb to the tomb".

I want my tombstone to say 'Your Mom'. It just seems like the appropriate thing. I like my mom. Ironically, it's her birthday today. She is the worst cook ever. I kinda love her though cause she did give birth to me.

Speaking of scary, there's thunder and lightning right now. Jesus is probably playing bowling again.

Sigh. I need a vacation. I need to go somewhere warm and cozy. I wanna go to Cuba.

Cuba is where ex-dictator, Fidel Castro lives. I follow him on twitter. He's one sexy beast.