The love language

Wedding invitation

Today was the day that would change my life.

Or, at least is what I expect to happen.

"I will not help you fix this mess" My sister points to the pile of clothes in my bed "I came here only to help you to choose an outfit, not to be a personal organizer."

I laugh.

"Rest assured. I will not obligate you to do it, I'm a grown-up who can very well organize her stuff."

"By organizing you mean throwing everything in the closet without even folding, right?"

I tried to ignore a very truthful statement.

"Anyway, what do you think?"

I showed her the dress I was planning to wear. It was a blue one, with butterflies drawn all over it.

"What is with you and butterflies?"

"They are delicate and pretty and that wasn't what I wanted you to say."

She smiled and came behind me, putting me in front of the mirror.

"You always look pretty sister. And this dress makes you look lovely as ever. If that guy doesn't ask your hand in marriage after seeing you in this, he is a fool."

"You flatter me." I think about Anu's photo "But his current fiancée is so pretty. Besides, I feel that I doing something wrong. Maybe he doesn't love her. But I bet she does. He is so cute, any girl would love him!"

"I'm not sure he is as charming as you say, after all, you have peculiar taste in man" I look at her with anger in my eyes, but she only laughs "But if he is marrying her without having any feelings, you are doing her a favor. A loveless marriage only troubles everyone involved – as you know very well."

I smile sadly. Thinking about how our mother suffered with our father only makes me tremble.

"So" my sister continues "Don't think about your moral dilemmas and just say what you feel. If he is set on marrying this Anu, he will reject no matter what you say."

Rejection.

I know this is possible. I know this so well, that I already started to look for other astrophysics and astronomers to help me in the final part of my book.

But, even though I know is a possibility, I hope he accepts my feelings, like Bernie said he would.

________________________________________________________________________________

Finally, the day arrived. I'm in my blue dress, my hair done in a nice style and simple make-up. I know I'm not the prettiest girl in the world, but I do know I'm very pretty today.

Making my way to Raj's office, my heart is beating like a drum. I feel like a heroine in a novel, ready to find her happy ending.

"Come in," Raj says when I knock on the door and I readily enter holding my breath.

Entering, I didn't expect to find her here.

"Hi!" She smiles at me "You must be Felicity, right?"

I nod slowly.

"This is Anu," Rajesh says and I take the hand she extended for me " Anu, this is Felicity."

"It's nice to meet you."

"Same."

Silence is what follows the introduction and, as if noticing how awkward I was feeling Anu continues.

"You see since Raj is going to meet my workplace soon, I decided to meet his too. Especially since we had some invitations to hand over." Saying this, she shows me an envelope. An envelope that I know very well the content.

"What is this?" I try my best to sound surprised.

"It's our wedding invitations," She says with a smile "It's going to be in three months, on Valentine's Day."

"It's going to be in India." Raj says "So I understand if you may not be able to go."

I feel like I'm drowning. I was supposed to confess, but how I'm going to do this when his fiancée is here? How I'm going to say something when she is giving a bright smile and he seems satisfied with the situation? I was only going to risk it all because I thought I had a small chance. Why risk it all when I know I will be refused?

"Rest assured." I smile "I will be there. I always wanted to visit India, so why not take the opportunity?" I put the envelope in my bag "Now, if you guys can excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom very quickly."

I hear their yes and leave the room, going the faster I can to the bathroom stall.

________________________________________________________________________________

"So, everything went wrong?"

"Yes"

"You didn't say a word"

"Yes"

"And you will take this part of your life to the grave?"

"Yes"

"Why I wasn't expecting anything different?" My sister says drink her glass of wine and this question made my eyebrows go up.

"What do you mean? Didn't you believe in me?"

"No, I didn't."

"What a great sister."

"Don't get me wrong sis," She sighs "I've known you my whole life and if there is one thing I know is how shy you are. Never, in my thirty-three years of life, I seen you confess your feelings to someone. No, you always preferred to look at them from a distance and dream about them then actually do something about it."

She was... correct. I never confessed to anyone, never. I had one guy or two confess to me, but I never took the initiative. I always have been so scared of rejection, so scared of the outcome that I always preferred to live in an illusion inside my head than do something.

"I hoped that today you would put this aside and finally try to express your feelings." She drinks her wine again "But I wasn't expecting it. I'm sorry."

"Don't be" I drink a little bit of wine too "I'm a coward."

"Don't call yourself that" She pats my head "In fact, I think you improved. It's the first time I saw you decided to confess, even if you didn't end up doing it. Just seeing you decided to do it, was enough to make me proud."

I give her a disheartening laugh.

"Well, I guess I will drink my sorrows away."

"Well you can try, but it doesn't work." She pours more wine into my glass "I drink to forget, but I always remember."