all too well - Theodore Nott

chapter 19

Theodore pulled back from the kiss, "You know, you are a really good manager for the Quidditch team. Everyone on your team is really good."

"I know," Selene said, connecting their lips again.

"Your players are better than half of the guys on my team," he said, pulling back again.

Selene closed her eyes and sighed, "Maybe if your team allowed girls to be on the team, you would be decent. Also, is there a reason you keep interrupting?"

They sat on the second level of the astronomy tower. Selene sat straddling Nott's waist. His hair was messy, and he was lazily smiling up at her.

"What?" Selene said, trying to hide her own smile.

"I like your hair." He whispered, finger twisting a curl, "It's just so pretty."

"What is it really?"

"Nothing; I just thought you said you would have to leave by now."

Selene straightened, "What time is it?"

"Five after five."

"Shit," Selene whispered, pushing herself off his lap.

"I thought so. You had to leave at the same time a few days ago too."

"Great deduction skills," Selene muttered, looking around. "Have you seen my Charms textbook?"

"Check by my bag."

Selene rushed over and saw her textbook peeking out from underneath his bag. "Ah ha."

She pulled it up, knocking over his bag as she did so. She shoved her book into her bag and was about to turn around when she noticed something sticking out of the opening in Theodore's satchel. Furrowing her eyebrows, she knelt down and pulled out a purple badge with a silver medallion attached to it.

"Oh, come on," Selene groaned, spinning around. "Please tell me you are not a part of the inquisitorial squad."

Theodore flinched, staring at the badge she was holding up. "Oh yeah. I forgot to mention that."

"Come on, Theodore," Selene said. "That lady is a monster."

"It was expected of me to join. And she's not that bad."

"What?" Selene laughed, "'Not that bad?' Are you kidding me? She is that bad."

"Why is she so bad?"

The cut on Selene's hand stung underneath the bandages she had refused to stop wearing. She had made up excuses, saying she cut herself or got burned.

Selene shook her head. "She hates half-breeds. I don't think she even has a reason. She just hates them."

"This is a good opportunity if I want to go into the ministry. She has connections. People will see I stood by the Ministry."

"If you want a good recommendation, then get another teacher recommendation like I'm doing. Not kiss the ass of a horrible woman."

"I'm not kissing her ass."

"And I don't know if you would want to work at the ministry in the future. They seem pretty messed up at the moment."

"The ministry is fine and will still be fine when I go to work there."

"She is a horrible person, Theodore."

"She is a respectable person in our society."

"She doesn't like me. I could practically hear the words blood traitor swirling around in her brain."

"Well, it's not like it isn't true, Selene. You are a blood traitor."

Even if it was not Theodore's intention, the way he had grown up ensured that it was only used for people they truly despised. It was used as an insult and that was exactly how it came out. He spits it towards her, words hissing like a snake that reared its head, ready to strike.

"Yeah, I am a blood traitor, but why are you saying it like it is a terrible thing to turn away from prejudice and hate?" She asked, voice rising.

"How is it a good thing? You are a stain on Pureblood reputation."

The snake lunged, driving its teeth into her neck, a fatal blow. Selene took a step back, staring at Theodore while her mind reeled, trying to wrap around the words he had just said.

She paused, her mouth opened, and closed, "Wow."

"Selene..." He trailed off.

"No, no. You're right. You are one hundred percent right." She whispered.

"I didn't mean it." He said, rubbing his forehead, "I know that it wasn't your choice and that your mom regrets and is ashamed of her decision."

"What?" Selene whispered, her temper rising again, flushing her cheeks a dark red.

"I know that your mom is ashamed of her—"

"I heard what you said, Nott. But it doesn't make any sense. I don't know where you got the idea that my mother regrets her decision. My mom loved my dad. She loved him till the day they separated. She still loves him. And I love my dad. It may not have been my choice to be born, but I wouldn't have made a different one."

"So you are proud of the dirty blood in you?" He said like he could not fathom it, standing up. "You are proud that your mother's bloodline is now ruined?"

Selen took a step forward. "My blood is dirty. I am proud of the muggle in me. It is the part that makes me human. The part that makes me care about other people that aren't myself. The Pureblood part of me is the dirty one. The one that makes me feel sick to be associated with. My dad's side-"

"Your dad cheated on your mom, Selene. And now he's getting married to his mistress. That is the side you are proud of?"

"What?" Selene whispered, the anger getting shocked away from her body like she had touched a hot stove. She was crying now. One tear rolled down her cheeks and got caught on her lip, salty and warm.

"I found that letter that you threw out the Owlrey window last year, and I read it."

Selene did not know that. Any of it. Not that he found the letter or read it. Or that her dad was getting married. She guessed her mom thought she didn't want to talk about it. That the pain was too strong for her to handle.

Selene decided to focus on this new information later. She swallowed, "So what was this Theodore? If you think my blood is dirty. You told me about the assigned partners. You kissed me. What was your plan for any of this?"

"I told you I didn't want a plan."

"You had to have some idea. What at all was I used for? Was I an excitement for you, Theo? Disobeying your daddy must have brought you such a thrill, Theodore. This obviously wasn't meant to last. Or was it? Was I supposed to be your mistress Theodore? You breed with Daphne, make perfect little Pureblood babies, and have me as the other woman on the side? You do not have to worry about carrying on my disgusting bloodline because I can't even have children. You win, Nott. We could never happen because you would never want to be seen with me out in public."

"Selene," Nott began to say.

"No. Don't try and talk to me, Nott. This was obviously a mistake we made for the second time. A stupid mistake. Don't talk to me, Theo. Don't ever talk to me again. I don't want to even see your face or hear your voice. You disgust me, Theodore Nott."

His face was neutral, guarded. Selene turned and walked away. The tears streamed more and more as she ran towards the Room of Requirements. She couldn't believe she had been so stupid.

Outside of the room, she wiped her eyes and tried to un puff them to no avail. Selene then took a deep breath and pushed open the door. No one paid her any attention as she joined Annie's group.

"Are you okay?" Annie asked.

"Yeah," Selene whispered, blinking her red, raw eyes. "Allergies."