all too well - Theodore Nott

chapter 12

The distant sound of cheering made its way across the slowly dimming lawn as Selene ran across it. She had fallen asleep in the library earlier that day studying for a charms test she had later that week, and now she was late for the final task. She tried to tame her hair that was sticking up as she ran, pulling her coat tighter around her.

She was missing the final task, and she hated herself for it. She was supposed to be meeting CasBeauxbaton's girlfriend, who was all Cas had talked about since the Yule Ball. She cursed under her breath over and over as she ran, her feet slamming into the slightly damp ground. A firefly lit up next to her, and she smiled.

She made it to the bleachers, running up them, her footsteps lost in the noise of the crowd.

"Excuse me," she whispered, stepping over people's legs and dodging flying hands as people waved house flags and argued with each other. She slid into the seat next to Annie and asked, "What did I miss?"

"Absolutely nothing," she said, her head in her hands. "It's been really boring, actually."

Suddenly, red sparks flew up from somewhere deep in the maze. It went silent for a moment and then steadily grew louder as people shouted, asking what was going on. Teachers started getting up and walking to the front of the maze, talking with their heads bent and lines deepening on their foreheads.

"That doesn't seem very boring," Selene commented, sitting up straighter.

"Well, of course something interesting happens when you show up," Cas laughed, leaning away from her conversation with a brunette girl next to her that Selene assumed was the girl she had been talking about.

Selene gently pushed Annie back to see around her and smiled at the girl, "Hey, I'mSelene. Cas's friend."

The girl smiled back and opened her mouth to respond when suddenly yells erupted.

FleurDelecore was out of the game.

It was ages before anything else happened, and when the second red spark flew into the air, the whole stadium held their breath. Annie reached over and grabbed her hand tightly as they waited.

It was Krum. Every Hogwarts student jumped to their feet to celebrate, the noise growing even louder. People jumped up and down, instruments started being played, and people hugged. They had won the Triwizard Tournament. It didn't matter if Harry or Cedric won; Hogwarts was the winner.

It was a long time before there was any more activity. Annie had run out of paper, which resulted in doodling on her jeans. Cas was in a deep conversation with Emily, whom Selene was eventually formally introduced to. She leaned her head onto Annie's shoulder, trying to keep her eyes open as she got more and more tired.

A flash appeared in front of the maze, and a figure appeared on the ground, hunched over. Everyone jumped to their feet again, ready to see who the winner was. Selene identified Harry Potter's face through the celebration of the people in front of her, his hand gripping the cup. She smiled; she was glad he had won. Music started blaring from the instrument again, and Annie had wrapped her arms around my neck as she cheered.

But then Harry started screaming something that Selene couldn't hear. Then he shifted, and another person was revealed next to Harry, lying on the ground, face upturned towards the stars. A very still person, their eyes staring into nothing above. Amos Diggory rushed forward, collapsing at the body's side.

Cedric Diggory was dead.

Selene sat in the hallway, her black robes splayed out around her. The funeral was over. The whole castle seemed to be holding its breath or not breathing at all. Maybe you are too afraid to make a sound. Selene never knew silence could be so loud. It was an oxymoron. They did not go together. But sitting here, it was deafening.

She stared at the cracks in the floor beneath her feet, tracing them with her nail. It felt like a rock was in her chest, pulling her with it as it tried to return to the ground. She tried not to let it happen.

Footsteps echoed down the hall, breaking the silence that had felt so comfortable. She guessed that not everyone was afraid to make a sound. She pulled her energy together to look up. When she did, she saw Theodore Nott striding towards her, wearing black robes that, unlike her limp ones, billowed around him like a cape. She wiped the tear that had been sliding down her cheek. He had a determined look on her face, like he had made up his mind about something. He stopped in front of her and waited for her to get up or greet him, but she didn't.

"Can I help you?" Selene asked, her voice cracking from not speaking in a while. And from the pain.

"Yes," He cleared his throat and then nodded as if he were committing to saying the next words: "I wanted you to know that what happened at the Yulle Ball was a mistake."

"I know."

"And I regret it."

"So do I," she said, tilting her head at him. "Is there a point to any of this?"

Instead of answering, he took a deep breath and said, "There has been a lot of talk about your parents's divorce in the Pureblood families recently. Some people say that it redeemed you and your mother. That night, me and Daphne fought about it. But we're good now." He paused. "We are dating, and that night I got distracted. I felt like dirt afterwards. I still do. I could feel your dirty blood when we kissed. I could feel the muggle in you. Your fathers-"

"How dare you?" Selene interrupted, finally pushing herself off the ground, rage seizing hold of her in its fiery fist. She strode towards him, so she was a foot from his face, her eyes blazing and her finger jabbing towards his throat. "You chose now to have this conversation? Well, this could not possibly be classified as a conversation because it is just you listing all the reasons you hate me and my family. But have you chosen now? While people are mourning the deaths of their classmates and friend? You did it, Nott; you found a way to make it about you. You found a way to make Cedric Diggory's death about you. You don't even seem to care that he's dead. Why am I surprised? Your dad is probably the one that held him down while Voldermort fucking killed him."

Her voice had grown in volume with each word and now echoed off the walls. She took a deep, steady breath and looked at him with so much disgust that she could taste it. He had flinched when she said Voldermort's name, and now he looked around to see if anyone had heard any part of their conversation. She realized he was a coward. A coward who was the result of neglect as a child, which somehow in his mind justified the things he did and the things he said.

"Goodbye, Nott," she said, her voice going slack. "I hope you know that I feel one hundred times dirtier from kissing you than you ever will because I kissed a horrible person, and you just think you kissed someone with horrible blood."

"You'd be surprised," he said, his tone icy.

"I am sure I would."

Selene gave him one last look of pure revolution and turned, storming away. Hatred pulsed through her veins, fusing with her blood and becoming so deeply rooted in her that it was never being pulled out. She had never felt such loathing for a person before in her entire life. He had kissed her. No, she had kissed him. And it is something that she will never forgive herself for.