Never Letting Go: TLOU ~ Joel Miller

6. The Plan

"The fuck do ya wanna go to Cody for?" Tommy's brows knitted. His remaining eye searching his brothers beneath the dim light of the floor lamp, taking note of the sudden way his focus dropped to the table in front of them.

Joel didn't answer initially, struggling to speak the words out loud- is if by voicing them would make the grim reality any more real than it already was. He swallowed thickly, nose twitching as an uncomfortable sting spread throughout his sinuses. His own brows furrowed as he fought back the urge to let his anguish spill, a desperate last attempt at keeping himself together before lifting his eyes to stare back at his sibling. "I just gotta..."

"Like hell you do. Place is a fuckin' death trap."

"I gotta get a message out of that radio tower...."

The sliver of wetness brimming just above his lash line, threatening to overflow was impossible for the younger sibling to ignore. With Tommy's own stomach dropping heavy for some inexplicable reason, he was left with no other option but to question. It took a lot to break his big brother, and was a sight he'd witnessed only a very small handful of times in his fifty seven years. It was a sight that unnerved him more than most things, "The hell's goin' on, Joel?"

Joel felt his throat clam up, his chin tilting as he blinked up towards the ceiling in a rapid concession, "It's, uh... It's Ave..." Another hard lump was swallowed as he lost the battle and a singular tear rolled down his cheek, "Sh-she- fuck."

His breath quaked, the words caught within the cords of his voice box.

"She what?"

"She's sick..." He shook his head, eyes still pinned to the swirled design of plaster above him. The tears continuing to spill in an almost controlled manner before slowly lowering his blurred focus to meet his brothers, "She's real sick, Tommy..."

The desolation radiated from him, an aura of the most devastating anguish. Tommy could feel it soaking into his bones as if it was toxic. His facial expression dropping as he watched his usually so phlegmatic older sibling crumble apart in front of him, "Can't the docs treat what ever it is?"

Joel's head sunk between his shoulders, it shaking solemnly, "Said they can't do shit... ain't got the equipment or meds..."

Tommy's brows pinched, "What we talkin' about here? How bad is it?"

"Cancer." The word blistered like acid would on his tongue. Joel's voice lowering gravely, "She's got six months to a year they reckon...maybe even less..."

The younger Miller brother choked on his own breath, a heavy palm dragging over his weary face, "Fuck...Christ. That...that's a lot..."

Tommy swallowed his own emotion down, his thoughts immediately falling to his sibling. Ava had given his brother a whole new lease of life- the fresh start he'd so desperately needed for more than the two decades prior. The woman had become the epitome of Joel's universe, his day to day routine revolved around her and their daughter- the deep love he had for them being so very evident to all those around them and in everything that he did. He'd travel to the end of the earth and back for her, Tommy knew that... and so his heart broke for his big brother, "Joel... I-I'm so fuckin' sorry...I-I don't even know what t'say..."

With a deep breath inhaled, he stared into Joel's broken eyes. A few moments of deadly silence followed, "You're gonna try and get the meds, aren't ya?"

Joel's voice strained, "I can't jus' do nothin'. Can't just fuckin' sit back and watch her die without tryin'... Someone out there might have what she needs- I gotta try."

He watched as Tommy nodded, observed as his brothers expression went through the motions of processing the devastating news. With a sniff, he pinched the corners of his eyes between his finger and thumb, removing the evidence of wetness as he did, "Is it a suicide mission? Cody? I didn't get all that close with Ellie..."