Sincerely, Jayvee

03

It was a cold December night when your name popped up in my notification.

'Uy, punta raw kayo dito sa bahay mamaya.'

That was your message. It's just another casual invitation from you, another hangout with the same cycle of friends... something that we always did before the year ended.

I stared at your message for a while. My fingers hovered above the keyboard. I typed 'sige,' then deleted it.

Typed again, 'di ako pwede,' then erased it again.

I typed, deleted, typed again.

I didn't want to go. Not after what I saw... I saw you... yesterday.

With him.

Allen.

The guy you secretly admired, as you admitted when we played that truth or dare game before.

He clearly likes you. And I couldn't help but wonder... do you feel the same?

"Hindi ako pupunta." I told myself that over and over. Though, my brother was persistently bugging me to go.

He didn't know.

"Kahit sandali lang," he said, pulling me out of my bed.

Still, I insisted. "Ayoko."

No. I wasn't going.

And somehow... an hour later, I found myself running. I was still in my pajamas, with a small box of gift in my hand, when I crossed that street to your house.

But when I got there... just a few feet away from your gate, I saw you.

You were already outside.

With him.

He handed you his christmas gift. You smiled... no erase that... you were happy.

I was there. I didn't move. I just stood there, didn't even dare to step closer. I was just... watching, yet burning quietly in the cold.

And then I left.

Winter, they say, is the loneliest season... I agree. It was indeed the loneliest for me.

Looking back, I wonder... what if I had told you how I felt, before someone else made you feel it first?