Sincerely, Jayvee

10

It was late August, quarter to five in the morning.

My phone buzzed. A notification lit up the screen.

Someone had replied to the confession I posted. The reply was written four hours ago.

Curious, I tapped it and read...

To The Man Who Never Dared
August 22 | 4 hours ago

❝ 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑖𝑓
   𝑖 𝑡𝑜𝑙𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢
   𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑡? ❞
   - 𝘫𝘷.𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘻, 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘧

i read your what ifs
will you take time to read mine?

well, there's this boy,
he caught my eyes
everytime he laughed,
the way he smiles at me,
the way his eyes met mine,
in everything...
he caused my heart to race
he never knows
he stirred that feeling within me

there's this boy,
he was my constant,
my confidant,
and my comfort
in everything
except that...
he never knows
i started falling for him
that autumn

there's this boy,
i yearned that december
but he never came,
he never showed
he never knows
i was waiting for him
that winter night

there's this boy ,
who never dared to ask me
for a dance at our prom
he never knows
i wanted him to hold me
before that winter ends

there's this boy,
so oblivious,
that i told him
i was dating his brother
he never knows
it was a lie... at first,
just to see if he would care,
but i guess... he didn't
so, i let him go
that summer

there's this boy,
he chose to stay with me
even under the pouring sky,
when i was breaking
like... why would he do that?
yet, i chose to walk away
that fall season

there's this boy,
he was constantly invited for a coffee
though he never like its bitterness
he never knows
coffee turned into my favorite,
all because of him

there's this boy,
who told me... he likes me
he never knows
i had always noticed him
all along
yet i never said a word,
i didn't dare to tell him
i was afraid
because...
i like him too

and now, i wonder...
what if?

a reply,
from the girl you called summer

I stared at the screen for minutes, as my heart pounded nonstop the moment I saw your name as the publisher of that response.

A thousand questions rushed to my mind as I ran outside that early morning.

I wanted to see you.

The morning air stung in my lungs, but my heart pounded harder in each step I took as I ran that same street across to your house.

But when I arrived...

I saw them wheeling you out on a stretcher. You were wrapped in thin blankets, looking pale and fragile, with an oxygen mask strapped to your face.

It was too fast for me to process what was really happening at that moment.

Way too fast that all I could do was watch the paramedics move quickly and slam the metallic door of the ambulance. I was just there... I froze, as the vehicle roared to life, siren splitting the stillness of dawn, carrying you away.

It was then that I realized everything, including that you were terminally ill.

You kept it from everyone, in the same way you kept your feelings for me unspoken.

And all along, we didn't even notice that the girl who was once so bright as the summer sun was quietly dimming within.

It was late August, when the world still felt like summer...

I lost you.