Sincerely, Jayvee

07

It was October.

One day, three autumns.

That's what it felt like. Like the last time we spoke was only yesterday… but yesterday was years ago.

"Allen and I… broke up months ago." You dropped those words in the middle of our conversation.

"Sabi niya, he fell out of love," you laughed bitterly. I could hear the part of you that didn't understand why.

"Tanga no? Ang tagal na… pero hindi ko pa rin kayang mag-let go."

You didn't need to say more. I just listened.

Because maybe that was the only thing I could offer... my silence, and my presence.

You looked up. "How to unlove someone you love?"

Your eyes... those familiar eyes... were tired, puffy, and quietly begging not to cry again.

I didn't answer right away. The truth is..  I didn't know either.

I've loved you for so long, and not once did I figure out how to stop.

"You can't..." I answered.

Because I never learned how to unlove you.

I just didn't understand how people fall out of love when there's no switch to turn it off. No unlove button either.

"You can't unlove someone… unless maybe, you never really loved them."

And maybe that's why it hurts, because you did love that person.

"Maybe… it just fades for some people. Maybe not for others," I added.

You cried hard that night. I let you.

I silently wished… if only you looked at me the way you looked at him.

If only it had been me all along.

But that was too selfish to say to someone who was already breaking.

So instead, I simply said, "Iiyak mo lang lahat, nandito lang ako."

An hours after, you stood, waved a small goodbye… and walked away.

Just like all things in autumn, you fell out of my life again.

And I was left there, wondering...

What if I had given you a different answer to that question, would it have changed anything… between us?